Scene 1, Shot 1:  Fletch walking up beach along pier.

Fletch (VO):  My name is Irwin Fletcher. I write for a Los Angeles paper.  You've probably read my stuff under the byline of Jane Doe.  What the hay, it's better than Irwin.

Scene 1, Shot 2:  Shot up beach, Fletch heading toward shack marked 'Fat Sam's hamburgers'.

Fletch (VO):  The last three weeks, I've been loitering around the beach, trying to pass for an amiable minor league junky.  I don't nod out or drool, that's too obvious.

Scene 1, Shot 3:  Fletch walks up to Fat Sam's.  Sam is sitting on a beach chair outside.

Fletch (VO):  Act like you don't give a crap and you fit right in.

Fletch (Peering into shack): (Whistles) Business has really picked up, huh?

Fat Sam:  Still closed.

Fletch (Sitting down, taking off shoe.):  What is it, a Colombian national holiday?

Scene 1, Shot 4:  Fat Sam on chair.

Fat Sam:  (Laughs)

Scene 1, Shot 5:  Fletch sitting on post.

Fletch: (Knocks sand out of his shoe.)  So what do you figure, Sam?

Scene 1, Shot 6:  Fat Sam

Fat Sam:  No idea.

Scene 1, Shot 7:  Fletch

Fletch:  No idea at all?

Scene 1, Shot 8:  Fat Sam

Fat Sam:  Some idea.

Scene 1, Shot 9:  Fletch

Fletch:  Like when?

Scene 1, Shot 10:  Fat Sam

Fat Sam:  When it comes, it comes. (Reaches into pocket) I got some reds.

Scene 1, Shot 11:  Fletch

Fletch:  You don't mean communists, do you?

Scene 1, Shot 12:  Corner of shack, Fat Sam, Gummy in background, Fletch in foreground.

Fat Sam:  (Laughs) Is everything a joke to you?

Fletch:  Everything, Sam.  (Stands up) Hey Gummy!

Gummy:  Hey, Fletch, hey Sam.

Fletch:  (Walking to corner of shack) How's the eye?

Gummy:  (Takes off headphones) Guess it's OK. Cops did it.  They always beating up on me. (Goes inside shack)

Scene 1, Shot 13: Alan Stanwyk looking out car window with binoculars.

Scene 1, Shot 14: Alan Stanwyk point of view, shack, Fletch,  Fat Sam, Gummy.

Scene 1, Shot 15: Alan Stanwyk looking out car window with binoculars.

Scene 1, Shot 16:  Alan Stanwyk point of view, Fletch walking away  from shack.

Scene 1, Shot 17:  Alan Stanwyk looking out car window with binoculars,  tracking Fletch.

Scene 1, Shot 18:  Alan Stanwyk point of view, Fletch disappears  from sight.

Scene 1, Shot 19:  Alan Stanwyk throws binoculars on car seat.

Scene 1, Shot 20:  Fletch sits down next to Creasy at fence. Fletch in foreground.

Fletch:  He doesn't know. (Throws sand.)

Creasy:  Son of a bitch.

Fletch:  (Wipes hands on pants.)  That's what he said.

Creasy:  He doesn't know?

Scene 1, Shot 21:  Reverse angle.  Creasy in foreground.

Creasy:  How come he doesn't know?

Fletch:  I don't know how come he doesn't know, he just doesn't know.

Creasy:  Son of a bitch.

Fletch:  I wonder how he gets his stuff.

Creasy:  I have no idea. He never leaves the beach, Fat Sam.

Scene 1, Shot 22:  Fletch's point of view. Fat Sam's shack. Fat Sam still sitting outside.

Creasy:  Never leaves. Sits in that chair, he's out of shit...

Scene 1, Shot 23:  Fletch and Creasy.  Fletch in foreground.

Creasy:  ...and suddenly, he gets up, he's got shit. So where's it come from?  The sand?

Fletch:  I think that's highly unlikely, Crease.

Creasy:  I oughta get some sleep. (Closes eyes,)

Scene 1, Shot 24:  Reverse angle.  Creasy in foreground.

Fletch:  Crease, how old are you?

Creasy:  Nineteen.

Fletch:  You're not taking very good care of yourself. (Slaps Creasy's thigh)

Scene 1, Shot 25:  Long shot from side of Fletch and Creasy.  Fletch stands up, walks toward camera.

Fletch (VO):  In case you haven't guessed, there's been a lot of drug traffic on the beach.

Scene 1, Shot 26:  Fletch walking along pier.

Fletch (VO):  And I'm not talking about Robitussin and NoDoz. I'm talking about the hard stuff and lots of it.  I've been trying to find out who's behind it.  It hasn't been easy.  I don't shower much.

Scene 1, Shot 27:  Fletch walking under pier.  Walks past Alan Stanwyk, who is hiding behind a support.

Alan Stanwyk:  Excuse me.

Fletch:  (Stops) Yeah.

Alan Stanwyk:  I have something I'd like to discuss with you.

Fletch:  What's that?

Scene 1, Shot 28:  Reverse angle.

Alan Stanwyk:  We can't talk about it here.

Fletch:  (Looking around: there is no one in sight) Why not?

Alan Stanwyk:  Because, we can't.

Scene 1, Shot 29:  Close-up, Fletch and Alan Stanwyk

Fletch:  Are you on a scavenger hunt or did I just forget to pay my dinner check?  I mean, I'd be happy to pay.

Scene 1, Shot 30:  Alan Stanwyk over Fletch's shoulder.

Alan Stanwyk:  I want you to come to my house...

Scene 1, Shot 31.  Fletch over Alan Stanwyk's shoulder.

Alan Stanwyk:  ...and then we'll talk.

Fletch: (Shakes head.) You got the wrong gal, fella.  (Starts walking away.)

Alan Stanwyk:  I'll give you...

Scene 1, Shot 32:  Alan Stanwyk, holding up money.

Alan Stanwyk:  ...a thousand dollars, cash.

Scene 1, Shot 33:  Fletch, stopping and turning around.

Fletch:  What?

Scene 1, Shot 34:  Alan Stanwyk, over Fletch's shoulder.

Alan Stanwyk:  Just come back to my house and listen to the proposition. (Walks towards Fletch.)  If you reject the proposition, you keep the thousand, and your mouth shut.

Scene 1, Shot 35:  Fletch over Alan Stanwyk's shoulder.

Fletch:  Does this proposition entail my dressing up as little Bopeep?

Scene 1, Shot 36:  Alan Stanwyk over Fletch's shoulder.

Alan Stanwyk:  It's nothing of a sexual nature, I assure you.

Scene 1, Shot 37:  Fletch over Alan Stanwyk's shoulder.

Fletch:  Yeah, I assure you.

Alan Stanwyk:  One thousand, just to listen?

Scene 1, Shot 38:  Alan Stanwyk over Fletch's shoulder.

Alan Stanwyk:  I don't see how you can pass that up. Mr...

Scene 1, Shot 39:  Fletch over Alan Stanwyk's shoulder

Fletch:  Nugent.  Ted Nugent.

Scene 1, Shot 40:  Alan Stanwyk over Fletch's shoulder

Alan Stanwyk:  Alan Stanwyk.

Scene 1, Shot 41:  Long Shot.  Fletch shakes Alan Stanwyk's hand.

Fletch:  Alan?  Charmed. (The two move off)  For an extra grand, I'll let you take me out to dinner.

Scene 1, Shot 41:  Alan Stanwyk and Fletch in Alan Stanwyk's car.

Scene 1, Shot 42:  Car pulls into Alan Stanwyk's driveway.

Scene 1, Shot 43:  Car stops in front of house.

Scene 1, Shot 44:  Alan Stanwyk and Fletch get out of car.

Fletch:  What a coincidence.

Alan Stanwyk:  What is?

Fletch:  I came this close to buying this place.  Then I found out Hopalong Cassidy killed himself here.  Blew it for me.

Alan Stanwyk (Going to front door.):  Who?

Fletch:  Hopalong Cassidy.  Bow and arrow.  Very weird.

Scene 1, Shot 45:  From interior of house, looking out door.

Alan Stanwyk:  What are you?  Doped up now?

Fletch:  Don't talk to me like that, assface, I don't work for you yet.

Scene 1, Shot 46:  Corridor of house.  Fletch and Alan Stanwyk come around corner.

Maid (Passing by):  Buenas dias.

Alan Stanwyk:  Buenas dias.

Fletch:  Fuckin' Taco.

Scene 1, Shot 47:  Interior of room.

Fletch:  Oh, you've remodeled the garage.  Whew.  Must've cost you hundreds. (Points to diplomas) That's a good idea.  I oughta frame mine.  Pope be in later?

Scene 1, Shot 48:  Window. Fletch walks up to it.

Scene 1, Shot 49:  Alan Stanwyk standing at desk.

Alan Stanwyk:  (Pulls money out of jacket.)

Scene 1, Shot 50:  Fletch looking through window.

Scene 1, Shot 51:  Pool with Gail Stanwyk lying on couch.

Scene 1, Shot 52:  Close-up of Gail Stanwyk.

Scene 1, Shot 53:  Fletch looking through window

Scene 1, Shot 54:  Close-up of Gail Stanwyk

Scene 1, Shot 55:  Fletch looking through window.

Scene 1, Shot 56:  Alan Stanwyk standing by desk.

Alan Stanwyk:  Here's my proposition.

Scene 1, Shot 57:  Fletch standing at window.

Scene 1, Shot 58:  Alan Stanwyk at desk

Alan Stanwyk:  I want you to murder me.

Scene 1, Shot 59:  Fletch at window,

Fletch:  (Turns around.)

Scene 1, Shot 60:  Alan Stanwyk at desk

Alan Stanwyk: (Moves away from desk)  Here.  On Thursday.  I'd like you to shoot me dead.

Scene 1, Shot 61:  Fletch at window.

Fletch: (Crosses off.)

Scene 1, Shot 62:  Alan Stanwyk in front of desk.  Fletch passes him.

Alan Stanwyk (turning):  The reason I ask you to do me this service...

Scene 1, Shot 63:  Front view of Alan Stanwyk

Alan Stanwyk: ...is because I am already facing a very long...

Scene 1, Shot 64:  Fletch at desk, counting money.

Alan Stanwyk: ...painful and most certain death.

Fletch:  (Nods)

Scene 1, Shot 65:  Alan Stanwyk

Alan Stanwyk:  You see, I have bone cancer.

Scene 1, Shot 63:  Fletch at desk, counting money.

Scene 1, Shot 64:  Alan Stanwyk

Alan Stanwyk:  Now I don't know if you know anything about bone cancer, Mr. Nugent.

Scene 1, Shot 65: Fletch

Fletch:  (Raises hand.)

Scene 1, Shot 66:  Alan Stanwyk

Alan Stanwyk:  It's the worst kind you can get.  It just eats you up, bit by bit.  (Crosses to other side of desk and sits on corner.)

Scene 1, Shot 67:  Over Alan Stanwyk's shoulder at Fletch.

Fletch:  You don't look sick, Mr. Stanwyk.

Scene 1, Shot 68:  Over Fletch's shoulder at Alan Stanwyk.

Alan Stanwyk:  I don't feel sick.  Not yet.  They tell me it'll start getting bad in about a month.

Scene 1, Shot 69:  Fletch in chair.

Alan Stanwyk:  After that...

Scene 1, Shot 70:  Alan Stanwyk

Alan Stanwyk:  ...I'd rather not be around for it.

Scene 1, Shot 71:  Fletch

Fletch:  Why don't you try suicide.

Scene 1, Shot 72:  Alan Stanwyk

Alan Stanwyk:  Believe me, I've thought about it.  But my company has taken out a rather large life insurance policy on me.

Scene 1, Shot 73:  Fletch

Alan Stanwyk:  Suicide would nullify my insurance.

Scene 1, Shot 74:  Alan Stanwyk

Alan Stanwyk:  But murder does not.

Scene 1, Shot 75:  Fletch

Scene 1, Shot 76:  Alan Stanwyk

Scene 1, Shot 77:  Fletch

Fletch:  Why me?

Scene 1, Shot 78:  Alan Stanwyk

Alan Stanwyk:  You're a drifter, a---you'll pardon the  expression---junkie.

Scene 1, Shot 79:  Fletch

Alan Stanwyk:  Nobody would notice if you just disappeared.  You see, I've been watching you for a couple of weeks.

Fletch:  Maybe I'm just on vacation.

Scene 1, Shot 80:  Alan Stanwyk

Alan Stanwyk:  Not with the scum you hang out with, no. No, I've watched and I've thought.  It's rather an elegant little plan. I even have your escape figured out for you.

Scene 1, Shot 81:  Fletch

Fletch  (Standing up and reaching for the binoculars):  Swell.  Has it ever occurred to you I might not want to murder you, Stanwyk.

Scene 1, Shot 82:  Alan Stanwyk

Alan Stanwyk:  I've got Fifty thousand dollars says you will.

Scene 1, Shot 83:  Fletch looking through binoculars.

Fletch: (Swings around so he's looking at Alan Stanwyk. Lowers binoculars.)

Scene 1, Shot 84:  Alan Stanwyk

Alan Stanwyk:  Fifty thousand.  And a guarantee you won't get caught.

Scene 1, Shot 85:  Fletch sitting down again

Fletch:  I'm still here.

Scene 1, Shot 86:  Alan Stanwyk

Alan Stanwyk:  I want it done Thursday evening around eight PM.  My wife will be at her club function and it's the staff's night off.  (Crosses to French windows.)  These'll be open.

Scene 1, Shot 87:  Fletch

Fletch:  Wouldn't they normally be locked?

Scene 1, Shot 88:  Alan Stanwyk

Alan Stanwyk:  Sometimes yes, sometimes no.  The staff usually forgets,

Scene 1, Shot 89:  Fletch

Fletch:  Oh yeah, I have the same problem with my help.

Scene 1, Shot 90:  Alan Stanwyk

Alan Stanwyk:  Now, I'll be here in the room waiting for you.  (Crosses to safe.)  The safe will be open, (Opens doors) there'll be fifty  thousand dollars in them.  You'll be wearing rubber gloves.  You do  own rubber gloves?

Scene 1, Shot 91:  Fletch

Fletch:  I rent them.  I have a lease with an option to buy.

Scene 1, Shot 92:  Alan Stanwyk

Alan Stanwyk:  (Bends over and opens desk drawer.)  Now in this drawer...

Fletch:  Ah...

Scene 1, Shot 93:  Fletch

Fletch:  ...a .357 magnum.

Scene 1, Shot 95:  Alan Stanwyk

Alan Stanwyk:  My .357.  You use it, no one can trace it to you.  (Puts back pistol, closes drawer.)  Of course, the room will be on some disarray.

Scene 1, Shot 96:  Fletch

Fletch:  You want it to look like a burglary attempt.  You come in and catch me, I'm stealing your ties...

Scene 1, Shot 97:  Alan Stanwyk

Fletch:  ...and your money, we scuffle...

Scene 1, Shot 98:  Fletch

Fletch:  ...and a gun gets loose and I shoot you right between the
eyes.

Scene 1, Shot 99:  Alan Stanwyk

Alan Stanwyk:  (Sits on desk.)  Precisely.

Scene 1, Shot 100:  Fletch

Fletch:  (Nods)

Scene 1, Shot 101:  Alan Stanwyk

Alan Stanwyk:  Are you a good shot?

Scene 1, Shot 102:  Fletch

Fletch:  Yeah, I'm all right.

Scene 1, Shot 103:  Alan Stanwyk

Alan Stanwyk:  Well, get me on the first shot if you can.

Scene 1, Shot 104:  Fletch

Scene 1, Shot 105:  Alan Stanwyk

Alan Stanwyk:  Do you have a passport?

Scene 1, Shot 106:  Fletch

Fletch:  I can probably dig one up.

Scene 1, Shot 107:  Alan Stanwyk

Alan Stanwyk:  Good. Now, after you kill me (Reaches for pencil and paper.) take the Jaguar.  The keys will be in the glove compartment.

Scene 1, Shot 108:  Fletch

Fletch:  Take it where?

Scene 1, Shot 109:  Alan Stanwyk

Alan Stanwyk:  LAX.  Go to the PanAm desk.  There'll be a ticket waiting for you.

Scene 1, Shot 110:  Fletch

Fletch:  Where am I going?

Scene 1, Shot 111:  Alan Stanwyk

Alan Stanwyk:  Rio.

Scene 1, Shot 112:  Fletch

Alan Stanwyk:  Departs at 11 PM.

Fletch:  They serve dinner on the flight?

Scene 1, Shot 113:  Alan Stanwyk

Alan Stanwyk:  And a movie and free drinks.

Scene 1, Shot 114:  Fletch over Alan Stanwyk's shoulder.

Alan Stanwyk:  I recommend staying there for at least a year.

Scene 1, Shot 115:  Alan Stanwyk

Alan Stanwyk:  So.

Scene 1, Shot 116:  Fletch

Fletch:  So.  You've certainly thought this out.

Scene 1, Shot 117:  Alan Stanwyk

Alan Stanwyk:  I'm not one who leaves a great deal to chance.

Scene 1, Shot 118:  Fletch

Fletch:  (Pointing to French windows.)  Those will be open?

Scene 1, Shot 119:  Alan Stanwyk

Alan Stanwyk:  Now don't worry about that.  Just take care of gloves, the passport and the aim.  I'll take care of everything else.

Scene 1, Shot 120:  Fletch

Fletch:  The gun, the money, tickets and the dying.

Scene 1, Shot 121:  Alan Stanwyk

Alan Stanwyk: (Nods)

Scene 1, Shot 122:  Fletch

Fletch:  Looks like you get the hard part.

Scene 1, Shot 123:  Alan Stanwyk

Alan Stanwyk:  What do you say.  You'll be doing me and my family a great service.

Scene 1, Shot 124:  Fletch

Scene 1, Shot 125: Alan Stanwyk

Alan Stanwyk:  Will you kill me?

Scene 1, Shot 126:  Fletch

Fletch:  (Shakes head.)  Sure.

Scene 2, Shot 1:  Elevator doors

Fletch:  (Exits elevator, goes around corner and through glass doors.)

Scene 2, Shot 2:  Newsroom

Fletch:  (Enters) Hey!  Good to see ya! (Points to someone.)  Hey Slouch, how are you?  (Slaps Slouch's hand.)

Scene 2, Shot 3: Path in newsroom.  Larry is walking towards Fletch.

Fletch:  Larry, can I steal you for a minute?

Larry: (Walking back with Fletch.)  Only if you promise not to return me.

Fletch:  Deal.

Larry  (Pointing to Fletch's shirt.):  Magic today, huh?

Fletch:  Yeah, Kareem's in the wash.

Scene 2, Shot 4:  Newsroom, Larry and Fletch turn a corner.

Fletch:  I need a favor.

Larry:  Shoot.

Fletch:  Don't say that, OK?

Walker (Running up from behind.):  Fletch!

Fletch:  You hear something?

Larry:  Not me.

Fletch:  Me neither.

Walker:  Fletch!

Fletch:  See what we have on a guy named Alan Stanwyk in Beverly Hills.  I need this right away.

Walker:  Fletch, I take it by your presence here that the story is done.

Fletch:  W-Y-K, OK, I'll be right there.

Walker:  Tell me I'm right.

Fletch:  Yes, you're right, but you're very peaked.  You want to throw up?  Come in.  Vomit in my cubicle.

Walker:  I want an answer!

Scene 2, Shot 5:  Fletch's cubicle

Walker:  The story's done, right?

Fletch:  Ahhh, almost.

Walker:  'Ahhh, almost' is not an answer!

Scene 2, Shot 6:  Walker

Walker:  'Yes, Frank, the story's all done' is an answer.

Scene 2, Shot 7:  Fletch, over Walker's shoulder.

Fletch:  And a damn fine answer if I do say so my damn self.  Thank you.  (Takes mini basketball.)

Scene 2, Shot 8:  Full shot of cubicle.

Walker:  Irwin, professional journalism time now, go back to the beach...

Fletch:  Don't say Irwin. Ever.

Walker:  Go back to the beach...

Scene 2, Shot 9:  Walker and Fletch

Walker:  ...and finish the damn story!

Fletch:  Frank, I will, I swear. Something else came up.  OK?

Scene 2, Shot 10:  Walker, over Fletch's shoulder.

Walker:  No, it's not OK.  You got a deadline tomorrow.  Did you
see the ad we ran on Sunday?

Fletch:  I don't read the paper.  What's the spread on the game tonight.  (Louder)  What's the spread on the game tonight, anybody know?

Voice:  Lakers by 6.

Scene 2, Shot 11:  Newspaper spread on table. Newspaper reads:

                Jane Doe
           Drugs on our beaches
             Shame of the city

Walker:  Take a look.

Fletch (Reading):  Drugs on our beaches. Shame of the city.

Scene 2, Shot 12:  Fletch, over Walker's shoulder.

Fletch:  (Looking up from the paper.)  Shame of the city.  That's
very nice.

Walker:  (Taps his chest.)  Now try to follow me on this.  You can't run the ad and then not run the city.

Fletch:  You can't?  Why not?

Scene 2, Shot 13: Walker, over Fletch's shoulder.

Fletch:  Shit, really?

Scene 2, Shot 14:  Fletch, over Walker's shoulder.

Fletch:  Frank, I'm just putting you on. You'll get the story and you'll be very proud of it.

Walker:  You broke it?

Scene 2, Shot 15:  Overall Shot of Fletch's cubicle, Fletch turns to leave.

Walker:  You know the source?

Fletch:  Practically.

Walker:  Well what's practically?  Is it this guy Fat Sam?  You said you had pictures of him.

Fletch:  I do have pictures of him, dealing.

Walker:  Well, let's go!  We'll run pictures of him dealing.

Scene 2, Shot 16:  Fletch, over Walker's shoulder, at coffee maker.

Fletch:  We can't do that.  Fat Sam isn't the story.  There's a source behind him.

Scene 2, Shot 17:  Walker

Walker:  Who?

Scene 2, Shot 18:  Fletch

Fletch:  Well, there we're kind of in a gray area.

Scene 2, Shot 19:  Walker

Walker:  All right, How gray?

Scene 2, Shot 20:  Fletch.

Fletch:  Charcoal?

Scene 2, Shot 21:  Walker.

Scene 2, Shot 22:  Fletch, over Walker's shoulder.

Fletch:  (Picks up coffee cup.)  Can I help you with that?  (Shakes coffee cup at Walker.)

Scene 2, Shot 23:  Articles passing on a microfilm reader.

Fletch:  OK, a little lighter, a little lighter. OK, can you go higher?  That's good, over to the right.

Scene 2, Shot 24:  Fletch and Larry at microfilm reader.  Larry in foreground, she is scratching Fletch's back.

Fletch:  Higher, higher?  Perfect.  Perfect.

Larry:  Yeah?

Fletch:  Nice and hard, yeah, yeah.  That's good.

Larry:  Is that it?

Fletch:  OK.

Larry:  (Gestures to screen.)  Everything's recent.

Scene 2, Shot 25:  Screen.  Fletch and Larry to left and right.

Fletch: Well, let me see that.  Alan Stanwyk commercial airline pilot from Provo, Utah.  Hmm.

Scene 2, Shot 26: Two shot Larry and Fletch.  Larry in foreground.

Fletch:  Formerly a test pilot, member of the Jaycees.

Larry:  You want to move on.

Fletch:  Uh huh.

Scene 2, Shot 27:  Screen. Fletch and Larry to left and right.

Larry:  He married Boyd Aviation.

Scene 2, Shot 28:  Two shot, Larry in foreground.

Larry: He's no dummy, that's...

Scene 2, Shot 29:  Screen.  Picture of Alan and Gail Stanwyk  at their wedding.

Larry:  ...big bucks.

Fletch:  Mr Stanwyk's parents, Marvin and..

Scene 2, Shot 30:  Two shot, Larry in foreground.

Fletch:  ...Velma of Provo were unable to attend the wedding.  Those are three names I enjoy:  Marvin, Velma and Provo.

Scene 2, Shot 31:  Screen.  Larry and Fletch to L and R.

Fletch:  Hold it there, that's good.  Cancer, Cancer Society
benefit.font>

Scene 2, Shot 32:  Screen.  Picture of Dr. Dolan, Alan Stanwyk and others.

Fletch:  Internist Joseph Dolan.

Scene 2, Shot 32:  Two shot.  Larry in foreground.

Fletch:  With internist Dr. Joseph Dolan.  I wnder if that's his doctor.

Larry:  One way to find out.

Fletch: You know, there is one way to find out.

Scene 3, Shot 1:  Doctor's office.  Dr. Dolan is looking in Fletch's ear with an instrument.

Dr. Dolan:  So where do you know Alan from?

Fletch:  Aah, we play tennis at the club.

Scene 3, Shot 2:  Full shot of Fletch on examination table.

Dr. Dolan:  Really? California Racket Club?

Fletch:  Right.

Dr. Dolan:  That's my club too.

Fletch:  Ah.

Dr. Dolan (washing hands):  I don't remember seeing you there.

Fletch:  Ah, well i haven't been playing there for a while because of these kidney pains.

Dr. Dolan: Oh, right.  Now, how long have you had these pains, Mr. Barber.
 

Fletch. No, that's Babar.

Dr. Dolan:  Two B's?

Scene 3, Shot 3:  Fletch

Fletch:  No, one B.  B-A-B-A-R.

Scene 3, Shot 4:  Dr. Dolan

Dr. Dolan:  That's 2.

Scene 3, Shot 4:  Fletch

Fletch: Yeah, but not right next to each other, I thought that's what you meant.

Scene 3, Shot 5:  Dr. Dolan

Dr. Dolan:  Arnold Babar.

Scene 3, Shot 6:  Dr. Dolan, over Fletch's shoulder.

Dr. Dolan:  Isn't there a children's book about an elephant named Babar?

Scene 3, Shot 7: Fletch over Dr. Dolan's shoulder.

Fletch:  I don't know.  I don't have any.

Scene 3, Shot 8:  Dr. Dolan over Fletch's shoulder.

Dr. Dolan:  No children?

Scene 3, Shot 9:  Fletch

Fletch:  No elephant books.

Scene 3, Shot 10:  Two shot.

Dr. Dolan:  Open wide

Fletch: Aah.

Dr. Dolan:  Say 'aah'.

Fletch:  Aah.

Dr. Dolan:  You know, it's an odd name.  I don't recall having seen it on the club registry.

Fletch:  Well, I don't formally belong.  I'm a guest of my aunt's.

Scene 3, Shot 11:  Dr. Dolan

Dr. Dolan:  Your aunt?

Scene 3, Shot 12:  Fletch

Fletch:  Right. Mrs. Smith.

Scene 3, Shot 13:  Dr. Dolan

Dr. Dolan:  Joan or Margaret?

Scene 3, Shot 14:  Fletch

Fletch:  Uh huh, right.

Scene 3, Shot 15:  Dr. Dolan

Dr. Dolan:  Well, which one?

Scene 3, Shot 16:  Fletch

Fletch:  Margaret.

Scene 3, Shot 17:  Dr. Dolan

Dr. Dolan:  Funny old bird.

Scene 3, Shot 18:  Two Shot.

Fletch:  Yeah, is she ever. I could tell you some stories.

Dr. Dolan:  I bet.  You know, it's a shame about Ed.

Fletch:  Oh, it was.  That was really a shame. To go so suddenly like that.

Dr. Dolan:  Ah, he was dying for years.

Fletch:  Sure, but the end was very very sudden.

Scene 3, Shot 19:  Dr. Dolan over Fletch's shoulder.

Dr. Dolan: He was in intensive care for eight weeks.

Scene 3, Shot 20: Fletch over Dr. Dolan's shoulder.

Fletch:  Yeah, but I mean the very end, when he actually died, that was extremely sudden.  You know, Alan and I were recently speaking of dying.  He told me  Boyd Aviation took out a large insurance policy on him.

Scene 3, Shot 21:  Dr. Dolan over Fletch's shoulder

Fletch: Gotta be in some kind of perfect shape to get that sort of a policy, I'll bet.

Dr. Dolan:  Drop your shorts and bend over, Mr. Babar.

Scene 3, Shot 22:  Fletch

Fletch:  Oh, no, really we don't need to.

Scene 3, Shot 23:  Dr. Dolan

Dr. Dolan:  (Puts on rubber gloves)

Fletch:  We don't want to do that.  Say, you know my kidneys feel a lot better in this position. Maybe it's just that I'm not doing any calisthenics.  You know if I did some situps in the morning (Camera has followed Dr. Dolan to behind Fletch.  Fletch is now  in foreground) or bend over like this, I'd probably feel a hundred  percent better (Reacts to Dr. Dolan's examination.) (Sings) Moon  river.  (Says)  Whew.  Thank you, Doc. Ever serve time?

Dr. Dolan:  Breathe easy.

Fletch:  Breathe easy. You know, I was surprised that Alan was able to get that policy.  I know there's a history of cancer in the family.

Dr. Dolan:  There is?

Fletch:  Yeah.  As a matter of fact...  Ow.  You using the whole fist, Doc?

Dr. Dolan:  Just relax.

Fletch:  Yeah, I saw Alan the other day.  He's looking a little peaked.  I don't know, I think he's lost weight. Are you sure he's OK?

Dr. Dolan: (Emerging from behind Fletch)  I can't discuss another patient, you know that. Well, I don't find anything wrong with you.

Fletch:  Well, I'm sure it's not for a lack of looking.

Scene 4, Shot 1:  Fletch walking along hospital corridor.

Fletch (VO):  12 noon.  I was anxious to get back to my drug story.  But since Dr. Jellyfinger wasn't talking...

Scene 4, Shot 2:  Fletch approaches hospital name directory.

Fletch (VO): ...I just had to find out a little more about Stanwyk's
health.

Scene 4, Shot 3:  Fletch looking at directory.

Scene 4, Shot 4:  Directory closup. All the names begin with 'Rosen'.

Scene 4, Shot 5:  Fletch looking at directory.

Fletch: (reacts)

Scene 4, Shot 6:  Nurse at counter

Nurse:  May I help you Dr...uh...

Scene 4, Shot 7:  Fletch and nurse.

Fletch:  (turning) Oh, it's me, Dr. Rosenpenis.  I just here to
check Alan Stanwyk's...

Nurse:  Dr.  who?

Fletch (Dropping files):  ...files.  Dr.  Rosenrosen.  I'm here to  get to the records room.

Nurse:  Could you give that name again?  I...

Fletch:  It's Dr. Rosen.  I...I...I want to check the records room.

Nurse:  Dr. who?

Scene 4, Shot 8:  Fletch picking up files.

Fletch:  Dr. Rosen.  Wait, where's the record room?

Burse:  Next to Pathology...

Fletch:  Would you do me a favor and tale care of these things?  (Hands over files)

Scene 4, Shot 9:  Nurse, over Fletch's shoulder.

Fletch: I'd like to check Alan Stanwyk's...

Scene 4, Shot 10:  Fletch

Fletch: (Turning around and picking up more files) ...file.

Scene 4, Shot 11:  Nurse, trying to organise Fletch's files.

Fletch:  What the hell is happening.

Scene 4, Shot 12:  Fletch returning with more files.

Fletch: Where's in the hell's the records room.

Nurse:  Next to pathology.  B-1.

Fletch:  I can't hear you.  What?

Scene 4, Shot 13:  Nurse

Nurse:  B-1.

Scene 4, Shot 14: Fletch

Fletch:  (holding up stethoscope he has stuck into his ears) Could you just collate these for me. Where did you say that was?

Scene 4, Shot 15:  Nurse

Nurse:  B-1.

Scene 4, Shot 16:  Fletch

Fletch:  B-1. Thank you very much.  (Heads for door to stairs)

Scene 4, Shot 17:  Nurse

Nurse:  You can take the elevator.

Scene 4, Shot 18  Fletch at stair door.

Fletch:  Thank you very much! (Opens stair doors)

Scene 4, Shot 19:  Nurse

Scene 4, Shot 20:  Staircase.  Fletch descends, puts down bag and opens it.

Scene 4, Shot 21:  Closeup of bag.  It contains a surgeons surgical clothes.

Scene 4, Shot 22:  Fletch.  Fletch removes stethoscope and puts on surgical hat.

Scene 4, Shot 23:  Hospital corridor.  Fletch emerges from a door in full gear, walks down hall---slipping as he goes.

Scene 4, Shot 24:  Doorway of records room.  Fletch enters.

Scene 4, Shot 25:  Records room. Stacks.

Scene 4, Shot 26:  Fletch in doorway.

Scene 4, Shot 27:  Desk of nurse in charge of records.

Scene 4, Shot 28:  Fletch in doorway.

Pathologist:  Hey you!

Scene 4, Shot 29: Pathologist over Fletch's shoulder

Pathologist:  Give me a hand for a second, will you, Doctor?

Scene 4, Shot 30:  Fletch in doorway.

Fletch: (Looks around to see if he is meant.)  Me?

Scene 4, Shot 31:  Pathologist

Pathologist:  Come on, come on!

Scene 4, Shot 32:  Fletch in doorway.  He enters.

Scene 4, Shot 33:  Pathologist over Fletch's shoulder as he walks in. and over to the table.

Scene 4, Shot 34:  Fletch over Pathologist's shoulder

Fletch:  Yah!

Scene 4, Shot 35:  Pathologist over Fletch's shoulder.

Pathologist:  Have you ever seen a spleen that large?

Scene 4, Shot 36:  Fletch over Pathologist's shoulder

Fletch:  No, no, not since...breakfast.

Pathologist:  Yeah.  Hold this.

Fletch:  Listen, I'm not realy prepared for this.  I haven't sterilised my hands.

Scene 4, Shot 37:  Pathologist.

Pathologist:  Well, you're not going to make this guy any sicker.

Scene 4, Shot 38:  Fletch

Fletch:  (Laughs, swallows.)

Pathologist:  (Drops instruments.)

Fletch:  I'll get it.

Scene 4, Shot 39:  Pathologist over Fletch's shoulder.

Pathologist:  Boy, you never get used to the smell. (Breathes deeply)

Fletch:  (Collapses over backwards.)

Scene 4, Shot 40:  Fletch lying on couch.

Fletch:  (Opens eyes.)

Scene 4, Shot 41:  Records room.  Records nurse standing over Fletch.

Records nurse:  Oh, doctor!  Are you all right?

Scene 4, Shot 42:  Fletch on couch

Fletch:  Where am I?

Scene 4, Shot 43:  Records nurse

Records nurse:  You're in the records room.

Scene 4, Shot 44:  Fletch sits up on couch.  Behind him, the Pathologist and Dr. Dolan can be seen

Fletch:  The records room?  I'm fine.

Records nurse:  Can I get you something?

Fletch:  Yes, do you have the Beatles White Album?  Never mind.   Just get me a glass of hot fat and bring me the head of Alfredo Garcia while you're out there.

Records nurse:  Well, Dr. Holmes went to get you some smelling salts.   He was quite surprised...

Scene 4, Shot 45:  Records nurse

Records nurse:  ...that you fainted.

Fletch:  He was surprised.  I thought that body was my dead brother.

Records nurse:  Oh!

Scene 4, Shot 46:  Records nurse

Fletch:  It's OK...

Scene 4, Shot 47:  Fletch

Fletch:  ...but that spleen was a...

Scene 4, Shot 48:  Records nurse

Fletch:  ...spitting image.

Scene 4, Shot 49:  Pathologist and Dr. Dolan weighing something.

Fletch:  No, I guess I'm fine.

Scene 4, Shot 50:  Fletch on couch.

Fletch:  (Turns aound and sees Dr. Dolan.)  Grr...grr... (Drops back on couch.)

Scene 4, Shot 50:  Overall shot of records room.

Fletch:  Nurse, I'm...I'm hyperventilating.  Would you get me a paper bag, please?

Records nurse:  Yes, right away.  (Crosses off.)

Fletch:  Thank you. (Watches her leave.)

Scene 4, Shot 51:  Doorway.  Records nurse leaves.

Scene 4, Shot 52:  Fletch on couch.  Raises himself up and looks through window at Pathologist and Dr. Dolan.

Scene 4, Shot 53:  Pathologist and Dr. Dolan weighing something.

Scene 4, Shot 54:  Fletch gets off couch.

Scene 4, Shot 55:  Pathologist and Dr. Dolan.

Scene 4, Shot 56:  Fletch bending over computer.

Scene 4, Shot 57:  Computer screen.  Fletch types in Stanwyk's name.

Scene 4, Shot 58:  Fletch bending over computer.  Looks over to Pathologist and Dr. Dolan.

Scene 4, Shot 59:  Pathologist and Dr. Dolan laughing and eating.

Scene 4, Shot 60:  Fletch bending over computer.

Scene 4, Shot 61:  Screen with info.

Scene 4, Shot 62:  Fletch looks over to records.

Scene 4, Shot 63:  Fletch's hands pulls out records.

Scene 4, Shot 64:  Fletch reads file.  Looks up to check on Pathologist and Dr. Dolan.

Scene 4, Shot 65:  Long shot of Pathologist and Dr. Dolan.

Scene 4, Shot 66:  Fletch walks along stacks.  Hearing a dropped instrument, covers face with file.  Records nurse returns.

Records nurse:  Here you are, doctor.

Fletch:  Oh, thank you very much. (Takes bag.)

Records nurse (Reaching for file):  Is there anything in particular  I can help you with?

Fletch:  (Covering face with paper bag) No.  Ah, yes, there is.  Actually, a...ah...my...one of my associates was doing a biopsy on this man, very recently and they said that he had a melanoma or a carcinoma.  Some kind of a noma.  I don't know. There's no record of it here. I don't see anywhere.

Records nurse:  Well, if he had one, it would certainly be in here.

Scene 4, Shot 67:  Pathologist and Dr. Dolan feeding each other.

Scene 4, Shot 68: Records nurse in foreground, Fletch behind.

Records nurse:  Wait.  Here it is.  A surgical removal of two moles.   Tissue was benign.

Fletch:  Benign.  There's no mention of cancer here at all?  That's it?

Records nurse:  That's it.

Fletch:  This was one month ago.  In other words, according to this hospital, Alan Stanwyk does not have cancer.

Records nurse:  I guess not.

Fletch:  Well, he'll be so relieved.  Thank you very much.

Records nurse:  My pleasure.

Fletch:  Have a nice day. (Leaves)

Pager:  Dr. Rosen(mumble)

Scene 4, Shot 68:  Records nurse watching Fletch.

Scene 4, Shot 69:  Fletch in doorway to autopsy room, blowing up paper bag.

Scene 4, Shot 70:  Pathologist and Dr. Dolan, still bending over  corpse and eating.

Scene 4, Shot 71:  Fletch pops bag.

Scene 4, Shot 72:  Pathologist and Dr. Dolan react, dropping lunch on  floor.

Scene 5, Shot 1:  View of Calfornia Racquets Club tennis courts.

Scene 5, Shot 2: Fletch walking through parking lot, swinging tennis racquet---right into Mercedes parked there.

Scene 5, Shot 3:  Restaurant in foreground, courts in background.   Fletch enters and surveys scene, then walks past the following scene  as  camera tracks him.

Underhill:  Just a minute.  I'm not finished yet.

Waiter:  I'm sorry, Mr. Underhill.

Underhill:  Does that look like I'm finished?

Mrs. Underhill:  Tom!

Waiter:  I guess not.

Underhill:  Now, I'm finished

Waiter:  Whatever you say, Mr. Underhill.

Scene 5, Shot 4:  Gail Stanwyk on the court, wiffing a ball and reacting.

Scene 5, Shot 5:  Fletch, reaction.

Scene 5, Shot 6:  Gail Stanwyk, lobbing next ball into the heavens.

Scene 5, Shot 7:  Fletch watches arc of ball.

Mr Underhill:  I imagine you were expecting a...

Scene 5, Shot 8:  Underhill's table

Underhill:  ...nice gratuity.

Scene 5, Shot 9:  Fletch reacts to that.

Scene 5, Shot 10:  Underhill's table.

Underhill:  (Hands over check.)  Maybe next time.

Scene 5, Shot 11:  Gail Stanwyk loading up tennis balls.

Scene 5, Shot 12:  Fletch crossing tennis court.

Fletch:  Gail Stanwyk?

Scene 5, Shot 13:  Gail Stanwyk at tennis machine.

Gail Stanwyk:  Yeah?

Scene 5, Shot 14:  Fletch at net

Fletch:  I haven't seen you  since the wedding... You look great.

Scene 5, Shot 15:  Gail Stanwyk approaches net

Gail Stanwyk:  I do?  That's very sweet of you.

Scene 5, Shot 16:  Gail Stanwyk over Fletch's shoulder, across net.

Gail Stanwyk:  You know, I have to confess something to you. I must've been pretty ploughed at your wedding.  I don't have any idea who you are!

Scene 5, Shot 17:  Fletch, over Gail Stanwyk's shoulder.

Fletch:  (Laughs)  Not my wedding, your wedding.

Gail Stanwyk:  Oh...

Scene 5, Shot 18:  Gail Stanwyk over Fletch's shoulder.

Gail Stanwyk:  ...my wedding!

Fletch:  Yeh.

Gail Stanwyk:  Thank God. You know, doesn't really help me.  You  a friend of Alan's?

Scene 5, Shot 19: Fletch, over Gail Stanwyk's shoulder.

Fletch:  Yeah, we use to fly together.  I'm John.

Scene 5, Shot 20:  Gail Stanwyk

Gail Stanwyk:  Oh, John.

Scene 5, Shot 21: Fletch

Fletch:  (Laughs)

Scene 5, Shot 22:  Gail Stanwyk

Gail Stanwyk:  (Laughs)

Scene 5, Shot 23:  Fletch

Scene 5, Shot 24:  Gail Stanwyk

Scene 5, Shot 25:  Fletch

Scene 5, Shot 26:  Gail Stanwyk

Gail Stanwyk:  Oh, I get it.  No.  John who?

Scene 5, Shot 27:  Fletch

Fletch:  John.  John Cocktoastoad.

Scene 5, Shot 28:  Gail Stanwyk.

Gail Stanwyk:  That's a beautiful name.

Scene 5, Shot 29:  Fletch

Fletch:  Well, it's Scotch-Romanian.

Scene 5, Shot 30:  Gail Stanwyk

Gail Stanwyk:  That's an odd combination.

Scene 5, Shot 31:  Fletch

Fletch:  Well, so were my parents.

Scene 5, Shot 32: Gail Stanwyk

Gail Stanwyk:  Do you mind if I practice some more?  I have to work on my groundstroke.

Scene 5, Shot 33: Fletch

Fletch:  You bet.  Go ahead.

Scene 5, Shot 34:  Ball machine shoots ball.

Scene 5, Shot 35:  Gail Stanwyk completely misses ball.

Scene 5, Shot 36:  Fletch leans up against wall.

Scene 5, Shot 37:  Gail Stanwyk misses another ball.

Scene 5, Shot 38:  Fletch, Waiter comes up behind him.

Waiter:  Excuse me, Senor, you are a member of the club?

Fletch:  No, I'm not.  I'm with the Underhills.

Waiter:  They already left, Senor.

Fletch:  That's all right.  They'll be back.  He went out for his urinalysis.

Waiter:  Would you like some drinks, Senor, while you wait, Senor?  I will put it on the Underhill's bill.

Fletch:  Very well.  I'll have a Bloody Mary and a steak sandwich and ... a steak sandwhich.  Please.

Waiter:  Very good, Senor.

Scene 5, Shot 39:  Gail Stanwyk, missing another shot.

Gail Stanwyk:  Oh....hi....

Scene 5, Shot 40:  Fletch

Scene 5, Shot 41:  Gail Stanwyk

Fletch:  So, how's Alan?

Gail Stanwyk:  What are you asking me for?  He's been so busy lately, I hardly see him.  He seems preoccupied.

Scene 5, Shot 42:  Fletch

Fletch:  With what?

Scene 5, Shot 43:  Gail Stanwyk

Gail Stanwyk:  I don't know.  Personal stuff.  (Hits ball straight into air, watches it go)  Whoa!  Look, I hit one.

Scene 5, Shot 44:  Fletch watching ball go.

Fletch:  Very good.  Lobs are a very important part of the game.  Sorry, sir!

Scene 5, Shot 45:  Gail Stanwyk

Gail Stanwyk (Looking at Fletch):  (Laughs)

Scene 5, Shot 46:  Fletch comes in.

Fletch:  Let me show you a couple things.

Scene 5, Shot 47:  Gail Stanwyk and Fletch.

Fletch:  Here.  Stand here for a sec.  Now look, when the ball comes face the ball like this see?

Gail Stanwyk:  Yeah.

Fletch:  And then pivot your body and step in like that. Swing. Step in with your left foot.  Just like this.  (Hits ball with racquet in cover) OK? Go ahead, try it.  (She moves ahead of him)  All right.  Go  ahead. Now ready position. And the ball's going to come now.

Scene 5, Shot 58:  Ball machine. No balls emerge.

Fletch: I want you to pivot.

Gail Stanwyk:  Yeah.

Fletch:  How many balls did you put in the machine?

Gail Stanwyk;  I thought I put a lot.

Scene 5, Shot 59:  Fletch and Gail Stanwyk.

Fletch:  Yeah, well that's it.  It's finished.  Good.  Much better.

Scene 5, Shot 60:  Gail Stanwyk over Fletch's shoulder.

Gail Stanwyk:  You know, I must be having an off day.  I'm usually a fabulous player.

Scene 5, Shot 61:  Fletch

Fletch:  Well I have this effect on a lot of women.

Scene 5, Shot 62:  Gail Stanwyk

Gail Stanwyk:  I bet you do.

Scene 5, Shot 63:  Fletch, over Gail Stanwyk's shoulder.

Fletch:  You know, the reason I was asking about Alan is that I bumped into him this morning and you know what I can't figure out?

Scene 5, Shot 64:  Gail Stanwyk

Gail Stanwyk:  Alan's in Utah.

Scene 5, Shot 65: Fletch

Fletch:  I can't figure out what I was doing in Utah this morning.

Scene 5, Shot 66:  Gail Stanwyk

Scene 5, Shot 67:  Fletch

Scene 5, Shot 68: Gail Stanwyk

Gail Stanwyk:  I'm very flattered, but I'm also very married.

Scene 5, Shot 69: Fletch

Scene 5, Shot 70:  Gail Stanwyk

Gail Stanwyk: You are trying to hit on me, aren't you?

Scene 5, Shot 71:  Fletch

Fletch:  How did you guess?

Scene 5, Shot 72; Gail Stanwyk

Scene 5, Shot 73:  Fletch

Fletch:  I'm such a heel.  I don't know what came over me.

Scene 5, Shot 74:  Gail Stanwyk

Gail Stanwyk:  If I had a nickel for every one of Alan's flyboy buddies that tried to hit on me, I'd be a rich woman.

Fletch:  You are.  A rich woman.

Scene 5, Shot 75:  Gail Stanwyk.

Gail Stanwyk:  See what I mean? (She leaves)

Scene 5, Shot 76:  Fletch

Scene 6, Shot 1:  Fletch in Stanton Boyd's office, in a suit and with nose bandaged.

Fletch:  Who'd a thought.  The Vice-president knew I was opening the door,  but the Secret Service.  Whack!  And this is blood.

Scene 6, Shot 2:  Stanton Boyd

Stanton Boyd:  (Is not amused.)

Scene 6, Shot 3:  Fletch and Madeline Turner, over Stanton Boyd's shoulder

Fletch:  Washington.

Madeline Turner:  Sugar, Mr. Poon?

Fletch:  Oh, no, never, never. Thank you

Scene 6, Shot 4:  Stanton Boyd, over Fletch's shoulder.

Fletch:  Well, now.  Let me reiterate that this is not a formal investigation, That is, if Alan Stanwyk is not involved in any impropreties.

Stanton Boyd:  Alan Stanwyk is not involved in any improprieties.  I  don't know where the SEC comes off even making...

Scene 6, Shot 5:  Fletch

Stanton Boyd: ...such an accusation.

Fletch:  Now, now, you know that and I know that, but somebody's bucking for a promotion. It's probably that pederast Hanrahan, I don't know.  All I know is that if I don't go back with something, you and your son-in-law are going to be the scapegoats of the week.

Scene 6, Shot 6:  Stanton Boyd.

Stanton Boyd:  Unbelievable.  This is unbelievable.

Scene 6, Shot 7:  Fletch

Fletch:  Look at this.  They even want to know what he's doing in Utah.

Scene 6, Shot 8:  Stanton Boyd.

Stanton Boyd:  Utah.  Jesus H. Christ on a popsicle stick.  First  of all, Alan Stanwyk does not own one single share of...

Scene 6, Shot 9:  Fletch

Stanton Boyd: ...stock.  The...

Scene 6, Shot 10: Stanton Boyd

Stanton Boyd:  ...three million dollars for the ranch in Provo was  entirely provided by my daughter...

Scene 6, Shot 11:  Fletch

Stanton Boyd: ...who converted some of her personal  holdings.

Scene 6, Shot 12:  Stanton Boyd

Stanton Boyd:  Not corporate holdings.

Scene 6, Shot 13: Fletch

Scene 6, Shot 14:  Stanton Boyd

Stanton Boyd:  So. (Straightens tie) If your DC boys want to make  something out of that...

Scene 6, Shot 15:  Fletch, clumsily straightening his tie.

Stanton Boyd:  ...bring 'em on.  Otherwise...

Scene 6, Shot 16:  Stanton Boyd

Stanton Boyd:  ...you tell your commissioner to get the hell out  of my face.

Scene 6, Shot 17:  Fletch

Fletch:  God, I admire you.

Scene 6, Shot 18:  Stanton Boyd

Scene 6, Shot 19:  Fletch

Fletch:  Well.  Consider this case closed.  (Closes briefcase)

Scene 6, Shot 20:  Stanton Boyd shuffling papers.

Scene 6, Shot 21:  Fletch, prying off bandage.

Fletch:  Look at this, it's even stopped bleeding.  Isn't that something.

Scene 6, Shot 22:  Stanton Boyd looking up.

Stanton Boyd:  My pleasure.

Scene 6, Shot 23:  Fletch leaving, over Stanton Boyd's shoulder.

Fletch:  Well, thank you and good day.

Stanton Boyd:  Oh, by the way...

Fletch:  (Opens door onto nose)

Scene 6, Shot 24:  Stanton Boyd

Stanton Boyd:  ...what kind of a name is Poon?

Scene 6, Shot 25:  Fletch

Fletch:  Comanche Indian. Bye.

Scene 6, Shot 26:  Stanton Boyd

Scene 6, Shot 27:  Fletch, over Madeline Turner's shoulder.

Fletch:  Oh, Madeline, Frieda lost the number for Alan's realtor in Provo, Utah.  Could you give that to me that real quick, please?

Scene 6, Shot 28: Madeline Turner

Madeline Turner: Jim Swarthout?

Scene 6, Shot 29:  Fletch

Fletch:  Yeah.  (Looks over to office he just left)

Scene 6, Shot 30:  Door to Stanton Boyd's office.

Scene 6, Shot 31:  Fletch

Madeline Turner:  I'm sorry...

Scene 6, Shot 32:  Madeline Turner

Madeline Turner:  ...who are you again?

Scene 6, Shot 33:  Fletch

Fletch:  I'm Frieda's boss.

Scene 6, Shot 34:  Madeline Turner, handing over number.

Madeline Turner:  And who's Frieda?

Scene 6, Shot 35:  Fletch

Fletch:  My secretary.

Scene 6, Shot 36: Madeline Turner

Scene 7, Shot 1:  Fletch in his car.

Fletch (VO):  I knew my junkie pals were awaiting my good cheer on the beach but I needed a second wind, a beer and a wardrobe change. As I pulled up to my palatial, imitation apartment building, I observed the...

Scene 7, Shot 2:  Red car at curb

Fletch (VO): ...familiar red oldsmo-

Scene 7, Shot 3:  Fletch in car

Fletch (VO):  -buick of Mr. Arnold T. Pants,

Scene 7, Shot 4:  Red car at curb.

Fletch: (VO):  ...esq., attorney for the former...

Scene 7, Shot 5:  Fletch in car.

Fletch (VO):  ...Mrs. Irwin Fletcher.  Time to use the service entrance.

Scene 7, Shot 6:  View over hood as Fletch pulls into alley.

Scene 7, Shot 7:  Car pulling into alley.  Stops, Fletch gets out.

Scene 7, Shot 8:  Fire escape.

Scene 7, Shot 9:  Fletch walks around car, getting out credit card as he goes.

Scene 7, Shot 10:  Fire escape.

Scene 7, Shot 11:  Fletch beneath fire escape.  Climbs up on trash cans and onto fire escape.

Scene 7, Shot 12:  Fletch emerges onto his floor.

Gillet:  Refusal to pay alimony is a jailable offence, Fletch.

Fletch:  What about trespassing and loitering?

Scene 7, Shot 13:  Gillet

Gillet:  I am neither loitering nor trespassing. I have simply chosen an advisable location to await my clients delinquent husband.

Scene 7, Shot 14:  Fletch

Fletch:  Well, I don't like discussing business on the lanai.  Let's go inside.

Scene 7, Shot 15:  Window being forced open with a credit card.

Scene 7, Shot 16:  Window.  Fletch pushes it open.

Scene 7, Shot 17:  Fletch crawls through window.

Fletch:  If you're wearing rubbers, leave them outside, would you?

Gillet:  (Follows Fletch inside.)

Scene 7, Shot 18:  Fletch's wall, decorated with a hoop, over Fletch's shoulder.

Fletch:  (Pulls string to release ball, catches ball.)  Little one- on-one?  (Shoots and scores, turns to Gillet and bumps into him.)  He draws the foul!

Scene 7, Shot 19:  Gillet

Scene 7, Shot 20: Fletch.  Shoots again.  Walks over to sideboard.

Gillet:  You owe Wendy nine hundred and eighteen dollars.

Fletch:  (Picking up mail) She doesn't need it. She's been living with someone for months and I know it.

Scene 7, Shot 21:  Gillet

Gillet:  I don't know what you're referring to.  Wendy maintains her own residence.

Scene 7, Shot 22: Fletch

Fletch:  This stinks.

Gillet:  I empathise with your plight, Fletch...

Scene 7, Shot 23:  Gillet

Gillet:  ...however, you threw her out.

Sceneier">Scene 7, Shot 24:  Fletch

Fletch:  She was sleeping with everybody,

Scene 7, Shot 25:  Gillet

Gillet:  You should've proved it in a court of law.

Scene 7, Shot 26:  Fletch

Fletch:  My lawyer was a bum.

Scene 7, Shot 27:  Gillet

Gillet:  I agree.

Scene 7, Shot 28:  Fletch

Fletch:  I think she slept with him, too.

Scene 7, Shot 29:  Gillet

Gillet:  You may be right.

Scene 7, Shot 30:  Fletch

Fletch:  (Looks up from mail.)  You serious?

Scene 7, Shot 31:  Gillet

Gillet:  That's history, Fletch.  You owe us nine hundred and eighteen  dollars.

Scene 7, Shot 32:  Fletch

Fletch:  Hey!  (Picks up envelope.) I think our problems may just be solved.  (Holds up envelope and taps corner.)  Ed McMahon.

Scene 7, Shot 33:  Gillet

Fletch:  I think I...

Scene 7, Shot 34:  Fletch unpacking letter

Fletch:  ...just won a million bucks.  Yeah!  Irwin M. Fletcher you choose.  Ooowwhee.  Oh, boy.  I lost.  Again.  Sorry.

Scene 7, Shot 35:  Gillet

Gillet:  This is no joke, Fletch.

Scene 7, Shot 36:  Fletch, over Gillet's shoulder.  Fletch is pulling off a dart.

Gillet:  If some kind of payment isn't made, I'm going to have to contact your paper, (Fletch is now pointing the dart at Gillet's head.)  garnishee your wages.

Fletch:  (Throwing dart at board.)  Oh, I can't have my wages garnisheed.  Tell you what.  (Pulls out money from Alan Stanwyk.)

Scene 7, Shot 37:  Gillet, over Fletch's shoulder.

Gillet:  Cash!  I'm impressed.

Scene 7, Shot 38:  Fletch, over Gillet's shoulder.

Fletch:  Saw my pimp today. (Starts to hand over money.) Ah! (Pulls back.)  Open your raincoat.

Scene 7, Shot 39:  Gillet, over Fletch's shoulder.

Gillet:  (Drops hands.)

Fletch:  Come on, just once.  It's worth it.

Gillet: (Holds out hand again, takes money.)

Scene 7, Shot 40:  Fletch, over Gillet's shoulder.

Fletch:  That's a thousand.  You apply the difference to next month.

Scene 7, Shot 41:  Fletch and Gillet.

Fletch:  Now scram.

Gillet:  Til then.

Fletch:  Yeah.  Keep ten for yourself.  Go out and get yourself a nice piece of ass.

Scene 7, Shot 42:  Refrigerator.  Fletch opens door to reveal beers.

Scene 7, Shot 43:  Fletch takes out beer, walks out of kitchen.  Camera follows as he crosses living room, pausing to pick up basketball and shoot a basket, blind, and go into bedroom.

Scene 7, Shot 44:  Fletch's bedroom.  Fletch lies down on bed and turns on TV.

Chick Hearn:  Ladies and gentleman, our guest was the most valuable player of the National Basketball Association six...

Scene 7, Shot 45:  TV.  Visible are Chick Hearn and Kareem Abdul Jabbar

Chick Hearn:  ...times. From the Los Angeles Lakers, the alltime scoring champion of the NBA, Kareem Abdul Jabbar. and he's coming
off a...

Scene 7, Shot 46:  Fletch, eyes closing

Chick Hearn: ...game that was second to none in his career.  You gotta be proud.

Kareem Abdul Jabbar:  Oh, definitely, Chick, it was a great effort,  but you know I had a lot of help and we're just glad to be here.

Sceme 7, Shot 47:  TV

Chick Hearn:  Hey, how about Fletch?

Scene 7, Shot 48:  Fletch, reacts.

Kareem Abdul Jabbar:  Well, what can I say?  He's been fantastic.

Scene 7, Shot 49:  TV.  Fletch in afro and Lakers uniform.

Kareem Abdul Jabbar:  He boxes out for us, gets the tough rebounds,  does the tough things we need to win.  It's great working with him.

Scene 7, Shot 50: Fletch, eyes closed.

Kareem Abdul Jabbar:  I don't know where we'd be without him.

Scene 7, Shot 51:  TV.  Fletch, then Kareem Abdul Jabbar.

Chick Hearn:  Let's take a look at the player  He is actually 6- 5, with the afro 6-9. (Fletch dribbling.)  Pretty good dribbler.  Comes in deep. His club is behind by one point at this stage (Fletch brings ball under leg and into basket.)  Puts the ball through the legs and up and in!  And he puts it up and in! (Crowd pan.)  and the Lakers have the lead.

Scene 7, Shot 52:  Fletch on bed, asleep.

Chick Hearn:  Ho! Was that some...

Scene 7, Shot 53:  TV.  Fletch dribbling.

Chick Hearn:  ...some kind of play.  You know, this gritty kid from the streets of Harlem really creates excitement (Fletch is surrounded by opponents.)  4 million dollars a year, that's true.  But he earns every nickle of it.  Look how he shakes off four, five defenders, with ease.  (Fletch bites defender's arm.)  Fletch.  He...

Scene 7, Shot 54:  Fletch

Chick Hearn:  ...truly defines grace under pressure.

Scene 8, Shot 1:  Road by beach. Police car with lights on comes
tearing along.

Scene 8, Shot 2:  The beach.  Fletch is at a payphone.

Fletch:  Lar, it's me.  Listen, see if you got anything on Stanwyk from the time he used to live in Utah.  Yeah, and also check out a realtor in Provo, his name is Swarthout.

Scene 8, Shot 3:  Police car turns off road.

Scene 8, Shot 4:  Fletch watches police car go by.

Sceme 8, Shot 5:  Police car.

Scene 8, Shot 6:  Gummy on beach.  Seeing police car, he runs off in the other direction.

Scene 8, Shot 7:  Fletch.  Hangs up phone and runs towards police
car.

Scene 8, Shot 8:  Police car parked near Fat Sam's.  Gummy runs by.

Scene 8, Shot 9:  Fat Sam in the window of his shack.

Scene 8, Shot 10:  Under pier.  Policeman chasing Gummy, police car right behind.

Scene 8, Shot 11:  Creasy running out from pier, past Fletch.

(someone): What's going on?

Creasy:  Take off, Fletch. (Seeing Fletch heading towards cops, turns around.) Hey!

Scene 8, Shot 12:  Fletch turns in under pier.

Creasy:  What're you doing?  (Follows Fletch.)

Fletch:  They're after Gummy again.

Creasy:  Hey, slow down. Fletch, let's just go.

Scene 8, Shot 13:  Under pier.  Policeman collars Gummy.

Scene 8, Shot 14:  Fletch and Creasy running towards police car.

Scene 8, Shot 15: Policeman slams Gummy up against fence.

Gummy: Oh, man.

Scene 8, Shot 16:  Fletch

Fletch:  Hey, what're you doing, man?  He's defenceless!

Scene 8, Shot 17:  Policeman with Gummy against fence.  Takes a shot at him.

Scene 8, Shot 18:  Gummy and policeman, other policeman gets out of car and heads towrds Fletch.

Scene 8, Shot 19:  Fletch

Fletch:  What're you doing?

Scene 8, Shot 20:  Policeman knees Fletch in groin.  Fletch drops to ground.

Scene 8, Shot 21:  Creasy

Creasy:  Oh, Fletch!

Scene 8, Shot 22:  Fletch on ground.  Gets on hands and knees.

Scene 8, Shot 23:  Policemen hustling Gummy into car.

Scene 8, Shot 24:  Fletch on all fours.

Scene 8, Shot 25:  Policemen getting into car.

Scene 8, Shot 26:  Fletch

Scene 8, Shot 27:  Police car driving away

Scene 8, Shot 28: Fletch, reaches for rock, throws it.

Scene 8, Shot 29:  Back of police car.  Rear window shatters.  Car keeps going.

Scene 8, Shot 30: Fletch sags back down.

Scene 8, Shot 31:  Police car drives out from under pier.

Scene 8, Shot 32:  Fletch

Scene 8, Shot 33:  Fletch

Creasy:  Hey! You're really nuts  (Creasy enters shot as Fletch  staggers to his feet.)  You OK?

Fletch:  Yeah.  I feel like a hundred dollars.  They didn't do anything.

Creasy:  What?  What're you talking about?

Fletch:  I busted their window.  They didn't do anything.

Creasy:  You're lucky or somethin'.

Fletch: It's not luck.  They didn't want me.

Scene 8, Shot 34:  View from under pier.  Police car driving away.

Fletch:  They wanted Gummy.

Scene 8, Shot 35: Long view under pier of Fletch and Creasy.

Fletch:  The cops and Gummy.

Scene 9, Shot 1:  Fletch in Walker's office.

Fletch:  Come on, Frank, relax, willya.  I need a little more time.  I could be on to something here.

Walker:  You're on to something?

Fletch:  Yeah.

Walker:  Good. What?

Fletch:  I don't want to spoil your surprise.  Read about it tomorrow.

Larry:  (Knocks on door.)

Scene 9, Shot 2:  Walker

Walker:  What.  Whataya want.

Scene 9, Shot 3:  Larry through window, behind Fletch.  Points to Fletch.

Scene 9, Shot 4:  Walker

Walker:  Don't point, speak!

Scene 9, Shot 5:  Larry at door, opens door and enters.

Larry:  I need Fletch for a second.

Fletch:  She needs me. (Crosses to Larry.)

Larry:  Nothing on Utah or Jim Swarthout.

Fletch:  I know...

Scene 9, Shot 6:  Walker

Fletch:  Honey, we have to put this on a back burner right now.

Scene 9, Shot 7:  Fletch and Larry

Fletch: (Points to back.)  Right here.  Right here. (Larry scratches his back.)  That's good.

Scene 9, Shot 8:  Walker

Walker: (Gets up from chair.)  Aaah, you wanna give me just a little hint?  (Crosses to Fletch and Larry.)

Fletch:  All right, Frank there just may be some cops involved in all this.

Larry:  Did you say cops?

Fletch:  Yeah.

Larry:  Because that's the one thing I did   It's from last month, so it was in the unsorted pile. (Hands over clipping.)

Walker:  What this?

Scene 9, Shot 9:  Picture subtitled 'Stanwyk joins Citizen's Committee'.

Fletch:  More cops.  Frank,

Scene 9, Shot 10:  Walker, Fletch and Larry

Fletch:  ...I need to go to Utah.

Walker:  Utah!

Fletch:  Yeah, Utah.  It's wedged between Nevada and Wyoming?  You've seen pictures.

Scene 9, Shot 11:  Reverse angle

Walker:  Well, what about finding the source?

Fletch:  I have some ideas.

Walker:  Hmm.

Scene 9, Shot 12:  Reverse angle

Fletch:  Come on Frank, say 'yes'. I'll buy you some new deodorant.

Scene 9, Shot 13:  Reverse angle

Walker:  Go to transportation and get a ticket.

Scene 9, Shot 14:  Fletch and Larry, leaving office.

Larry:  My hero.

Fletch:  Nothing to it.

Scene 10, Shot 1:  Fletch in airplane.  Fletch is playing with a tape recorder.  He is about to speak when:

Woman's voice coming from tape recorder:  (Moans)  You're not  recording this, are you?

Fletch's voice:  Oh, never, never, never,

Fletch:  Question...  (Pushes other buttons.  Tape pops out.)

Scne 10, Shot 2:  Fletch

Fletch:  (Looks around, pushes tape back in, finds right buttons.) Question:  Why does a man ask me to kill him and lie about dying when he isn't dying.  Answer me.  Question:  Gail Stanwyk converts three million dollars of her stocks to buy the ranch.  Why pay in cash?

Scene 10, Shot 3:  Plane landing.

Scene 10, Shot 4:  Car drives along road, Fletch at the wheel.

Scene 10, Shot 5:  Fletch in car.

Scene 10, Shot 6:  The outside of a motel.

Scene 10, Shot 7:  Fletch on phone in motel lobby.  Receptionist in foreground, watching TV.

Fletch:  Mr Jim Swarthout?  My name is Igor Stravinsky.  I'm calling about calling about some ranch property I'd like to buy.

Scene 10, Shot 8:  Swarthout's office.  Swarthout on phone.

Swarthout: Good.  Could I ask you what you had in mind?  Mmm-hmmm. Oh, you a friend of Alan's?

Scene 10, Shot 9:  Fletch

Fletch:  Well, not exactly.  I was at the club and I overheard some people talking about the property you sold him, and three million dollars sounded like a good price to me.  (Receptionist looks at  Fletch.)

Scene 10, Shot 10:  TV, over Receptionist's shoulder.  A Mr. Potato  head ad is on.

Fletch:  Oh. Oh, is that right.

Scene 10, Shot 11:  Fletch

Fletch:  Oh, Well, then I have been very misinformed.  Excuse you? yes.  Well, listen.  Say, I'd like to come out and see you anyways.  Is that all right?  What's good for you?

Scene 10, Shot 12:  Swarthout

Swarthout:  Well, I'm about to close up shop and go out for the evening.  How about first thing in the morning?

Scene 10, Shot 13:  Fletch

Fletch:  First thing in the morning.  Tomorrow.  Bye.  (Hangs up, looks at paper and thinks for a bit.)

Scene 10, Shot 14:  Fletch in car, sunset.

Scene 10, Shot 15:  Exterior of Swarthout's office.  Fletch pulls up, dog barks at him.

Scene 10, Shot 16: Fletch in car.

Scene 10, Shot 17:  Dog running inside fence.

Scene 10, Shot 18:  Fletch in car.  Opens door.

Scene 10, Shot 19:  Exterior of car.  Fletch gets out of car.

Scene 10, Shot 20:  Dog barking behind fence.

Scene 10, Shot 21:  Fletch walking towards fence.

Scene 10, Shot 22:  Dog barking.

Scene 10, Shot 23:  Fletch through fence.

Fletch:  Hello?

Scene 10, Shot 24:  Front of office.

Fletch:  Anybody home?

Scene 10, Shot 25:  Dog barking.

Scene 10, Shot 26:  Fletch and dog.

Fletch:  Hey, there fellow.  What's your name?  Love?  Fifi?

Scene 10, Shot 27: Dog barking.

Scene 10, Shot 28:  Fletch

Fletch:  All right. (Walks off.)

Fletch:  Bad dog.

Scene 10, Shot 29: Dog barking.

Scene 10, Shot 30: Fletch comes around corner of fence.

Scene 10, Shot 31:  View of tree extending over office and fence.

Scene 10, Shot 32:  Fletch looking up.

Scene 10, Shot 33:  Windmill

Scene 10, Shot 34:  Fletch squeezing between base of windmill and fence, then climbing windmill.

Scene 10, Shot 35:  Dog barking.

Scene 10, Shot 36: Fletch's feet working their way across windmill.

Scene 10, Shot 37:  Fletch leans across to office.

Scene 10, Shot 38:  Dog, from above, growling.

Scene 10, Shot 39:  Fletch jumps across to office roof, crawls to tree.

Scene 10, Shot 40:  Fletch kneels down on roof.

Scene 10, Shot 41:  Window of Swarthout's office.

Scene 10, Shot 42:  Fletch leaning over eaves.

Fletch:  Miaou.

Scene 10, Shot 43:  Dog, barking.

Scene 10, Shot 44:  Fletch climbing on tree.

Scene 10, Shot 45:  Dog barking.

Scene 10, Shot 46:  Fletch kicks open window of office.

Scene 10, Shot 47:  Interior of office.  Window is kicked open, Fletch climbs in, closes it turns on light and crosses room.

Scene 10, Shot 48:  Dog through window.

Scene 10, Shot 49:  Filing cabinet.  Fletch pulls open one drawer.

Scene 10, Shot 50:  Dog through window, barking.

Scene 10, Shot 51:  Fletch pulls out a file and opens it.

Scene 10, Shot 52:  Fletch pulls out camera.

Fletch:  (Looking towards dog) Sit. (Takes picture)

Scene 10, Shot 53:  Closeup of page in file. It is boilerplate legalese, with the words 'three thousand dollars' and 'scrub- brush-land' typed in.

Scene 10, Shot 54:  Fletch taking pictures.

Scene 10, Shot 55:  Closeup of file.

Scene 10, Shot 56:  Fletch puts away camera.

Scene 10, Shot 57:  Dog through window.

Scene 10, Shot 58:  Fletch puts away file and moves from cabinet.

Scene 10, Shot 59:  Dog running across lawn.

Scene 10, Shot 60:  Interior of office.  Dog jumps through window.

Scene 10, Shot 61:  Fletch reacts, runs to door.

Scene 10, Shot 62:  Dog running across room.

Scene 10, Shot 63:  Fletch closes door.

Scene 10, Shot 64:  Hallway.  Fletch turns from door.

Scene 10, Shot 65:  Dog trying to open door.

Scene 10, Shot 66:  Fletch trying various doors, all locked.

Scene 10, Shot 67:  Dog biting at door handle.

Scene 10, hot 68:   Fletch finds open door, runs to it.

Scene 10, Shot 69:  Dog biting at door handle.

Scene 10, Shot 70:  Fletch runs through door.

Scene 10, Shot 71:  Hallway, dog gets door open, runs through.

Scene 10, Shot 72:  Kitchen.  Fletch closes door behind him.

Fletch:  Stay!

Scene 10, Shot 73:  Dog biting at door handle.

Scene 10, Shot 74:  Fletch in kitchen.  Looks around, runs out.

Scene 10, sho 75:   Dog at door handle.

Scene 10, Shot 76:  Fletch runs through  office, closes door.

Fletch:  Dogs...oh boy.  (Runs out front door.)

Scene 10, Shot 77:  Dog enters kitchen.

Sceme 10, Shot 78:  Fletch running outside.

Scene 10, Shot 79:  Dog running through office.

Scene 10, Shot 80:  Fletch runs through door in fence and to car.

Scene 10, Shot 81:  Dog running outside.

Scene 10, Shot 82;  Fletch opens car door.

Scene 10, Shot 83:  Inside car.  Fletch gets in.

Scene 10, Shot 84:  Dog jumps on car hood, barking.

Scene 10, Shot 85:  Fletch rolls up window.

Scene 10, Shot 86:  Dog on hood, barking.

Scene 10, Shot 87:  Fletch gets out camera, takes picture of dog.

Fletch:  Come on, smile.  Say flesh.

Scene 10, Shot 88:  Dog on hood.

Scene 10, Shot 89:  Fletch reaches for key.

Scene 10, Shot 90:  Fletch's hand turning key.

Scene 10, Shot 91:  Fletch points over shoulder and looks that way.

Fletch:  Look, defenceless baby!

Scene 10, Shot 92:  Dog on hood, looks over.

Scene 10, Shot 93:  Fletch's hand shifts car into drive.

Scene 10, Shot 94:  Car drives off, dog runs over car, lands on ground and runs off.

Scene 10, Shot 95:  Fletch, looking back at dog.

Fletch:  Fell for the oldest trick in the book!

Scene 10, Shot 96:  Plane taking off.

Scene 11, Shot 1:  In front of Fletch's apartment building.  Fletch is closing the door of his car.

Scene 11, Shot 2:  Entrance, Fletch walking up steps.

Scene 11, Shot 3: Fletch walking along corridor

Fletch (Sings):  Strangers in the night, exchanging clothing, strangers  in my pants. (Opens door to apartment.)

Detective:  Surprise. (Two detectives grab Fletch.)

Scene 11, Shot 4:  Inside apartment.  Two detectives wrestle with  Fletch, push him into living room

Fletch:  What the hell?

Detective:  Police!

Scene 11, Shot 5: Living room.  Fletch is slapped against wall.

Detective:  Spread'em.

Scene 11, Shot 6:  Detective 2 over Fletch's shoulder.  Pulls out pistol and points it at Fletch.

Scene 11, Shot 7: Detective 1 over Fletch's shoulder, patting him down

Detective 1:  Got a gun, creep?

Scene 11, Shot 8:  Detective 2 over Fletch's shoulder.

Fletch:  Shamoo's got one.  Borrow his.

Scene 11, Shot 9:  Fletch's legs, Detective 1 is still patting them down.  Reaches up between his legs.

Detective 1:  What have we here?

Scene 11, Shot 10:  Detective 2, Fletch and Detective 1.

Fletch:  That's my dick.

Detective 1:  Oh, funny boy.  (Reaches into pocket and pulls out packet of white powder.)  What have we here?  (Drops it on floor.)

Scene 11, Shot 11: Fletch's foot with packet next to it.

Scene 11, Shot 12: Detective 2 over Fletch's shoulder.

Detective 2:  Looks like heroin, Gene.

Scene 11, Shot 13:  Fletch.  Turns around.

Fletch:  Hey, you just planted that.

Detective 2 (pushing gun into Fletch's face):  What'd you say?

Fletch:  You fellows want to read me my rights?

Scene 11, Shot 14:  Detective 1

Detective 1: You have the right to remain silent.

Scene 11, Shot 15:  Fletch
 

Fletch: Ok...

Scene 11, Shot 16:  Detective 1

Detective 1:  You have the right to have your face kicked in by me.

Scene 11, Shot 17:  Fletch

Fletch:  That's nice.

Detective 1:  You have the right to have your balls stomped by him.

Scene 11, Shot 18:  Detective 2 over Fletch's shoulder.

Detective 2:  (Mimes kissing)

Scene 11, Shot 19:  Fletch over Detective 1's shoulder.

Fletch:  I'll waive my rights.

Scene 11, Shot 20:  Interior of police station.  Detectives bring Fletch up stairs and inside to front desk

Cop (To other prisoner.):  All right, gramps, move it along.

Fletch:  (Picks up phone.)

Sergeant:  What's the booking, gentlemen?

Detective 2:  (Takes phone from Fletch.)  Possession of narcotics.   The chief wants to talk to him.

Sceme 11, Shot 21:  Fletch, over Sergeant's shoulder.

Sergeant:  Oh yeah? You'll like Chief Karlin.  He's a nice man.

Fletch:  Oh yeah?  Yeah, I hear he's mellowed out a lot since he came out of the closet.

Sergeant:  You better take his picture while he still has a face. (Detective 2 grabs Fletch's arm.  Fletch removes hand and moves off.)

Fletch:  Don't hurt me, you've been hurting me.

Scene 11, Shot 22:  Outer office of chief.  Fletch is pushed in and across to door to office.

Detective:  Give 'im a buzz.

Fletch: (Knocks)

Chief Karlin: Come in.

Detective 1:  Opens door and pushes Fletch in.

Scene 11, Shot 23:  Interior of office.  Fletch is pushed through door.

Detective 1: There he is, Chief. (Pushes Fletch into chair, while  Detective 2 slams Fletch's jacket into Fletch's lap.)

Chief Karlin:  Easy, fellows.

Scene 11, Shot 24:  Chief Karlin

Chief Karlin:  I'll be with you in a moment.

Scene 11, Shot 25:  Fletch with Detectives 1 & 2 behind him.

Scene 11, Shot 26:  Chief Karlin writing.

Scene 11, Shot 27:  Fletch, looking around room.

Scene 11, Shot 28:  Wall of pictures, all featuring Chief Karlin.

Fletch:  You decorate this place yourself...

Scene 11, Shot 29: Fletch

Fletch:  ...or did the Mrs. Chief of Police help out?

Scene 11, Shot 30:  Chief Karlin

Scene 11, Shot 31:  Fletch

Scene 11, Shot 32:  Chief Karlin

Chief Karlin:  So, what's your name?

Scene 11, Shot 33: Fletch

Fletch:  Fletch

Scene 11, Shot 34:  Chief Karlin

Chief Karlin:  Full name?

Scene 11, Shot 35:  Fletch

Fletch:  Fletch F. Fletch

Scene 11, Shot 36:  Chief Karlin

Chief Karlin.  I see.  And what do you do for a living, Mr. Fletch?

Scene 11, Shot 37: Fletch

Fletch:  I'm a shepherd.

Scene 11  Shot 38:  Chief Karlin

Chief Karlin:  Officers, would you excuse us for a few moments?

Scene 11, Shot 39:  Fletch, with Detectives 1 & 2 behind him.  They  move off.

Fletch:  Yeah, why don't you guys go down to the gym and pump each other.  (Detectives leave.)

Scene 11, Shot 40:  Chief Karlin coming around desk.

Chief Karlin:  Why you doing this, Mr. Fletch?

Scene 11, Shot 41:  Fletch

Fletch:  I like men.

Scene 11, Shot 42:  Chief Karlin

Fletch: I like to be manhandled.

Scene 11, Shot 43:  Fletch

Fletch:  I like you. (Winks)

Scene 11, Shot 44:  Chief Karlin

Chief Karlin:  For a gentleman who has just been found carrying a bag
full of heroin...

Scene 11, Shot 45:  Fletch

Fletch:  That was planted on me!

Scene 11, Shot 46:  Chief Karlin

Chief Karlin:  ...we're looking at five years here, maybe ten. (Leans  over Fletch) Now is that what you want, Jane Doe?

Scene 11, Shot 47:  Fletch.  Chief Karlin slams chair back down.

Scene 11, Shot 48: Chief Karlin

Chief Karlin:  (Sits on desk) You're to phone to respond to allegations you're about to print...

Scene 11, Shot 49:  Fletch over Chief Karlin's shoulder.

Chief Karlin:  ...concerning police involvement in narcotics dealing.  Uh uh.

Scene 11, Shot 50:  Chief Karlin

Chief Karlin:  I'm about to bust that beach wide open.  And I don't  need some penny-ante Woodward and Bernstein to come along and get in  the way of my men.

Scene11, Shot 51:  Fletch

Fletch:  Well, your men may just be involved in all of this.  I would think that might interest you. (Starts getting up.)

Scene 11, Shot 52:  Chief Karlin over Fletch's shoulder.

Chief Karlin: (Pushes Fletch back into his chair.) Idiot.

Scene 11, Shot 53:  Fletch

Scene 11, Shot 54:  Chief Karlin

Chief Karlin:  All right, strictly off the record, OK?

Scene 11, Shot 55:  Fletch

Fletch:  Yeah, OK.

Scene 11, Shot 56:  Chief Karlin

Chief Karlin:  I've got that beach crawling with undercover cops.

Scene 11, Shot 57:  Fletch

Chief Karlin:  You come along nosing around you're gonna make the bad guys a little more cautious.

Scene 11, Shot 58:  Chief Karlin

Chief Karlin:  Makes my job harder.  And listen...

Scene 11, Shot 59:  Fletch

Chief Karlin:  ...you print your story this week, might get some of my  men killed.

Scene 11, Shot 60:  Chief Karlin

Chief Karlin:  I can't have that, Mr. Fletch, understand?

Scene 11, Shot 61: Fletch

Fletch:  Yeah, I understand.

Scene 11, Shot 62:  Chief Karlin

Scene 11, Shot 63:  Fletch

Fletch:  Well, I have a deadline.

Scene 11, Shot 64:  Chief Karlin

Scene 11, Shot 65:  Fletch, getting up from chair.

Fletch:  The name is Karlin with a 'K', right?

Chief Karlin:  (Lunges at Fletch.) Dip...

Scene 11, Shot 66:  Chief Karlin pushes Fletch.

Chief Karlin:  ...shit!

Scene 11, Shot 67:  Chief Karlin throws Fletch into his picture wall.

Chief Karlin:  You go back to that goddam beach and you won't live to regret it!

Scene 11, Shot 68:  Chief Karlin

Chief Karlin:  All right?

Scene 11, Shot 69:  Fletch up against pictures.

Fletch:  Hey, you and Tommy Lasorda?

Scene 11, Shot 70:  Chief Karlin

Chief Karlin:  Yeah.

Scene 11, Shot 71:  Fletch

Fletch:  I hate Tommy Lasorda.  (Smashes picture.)

Scene 11, Shot 72:  Jail.  Fletch, surrounded by Detectives 1 & 2 and Chief Karlin, enters.  They lead him to a cell, pushing his head down.

Fletch:  Hey! (They let him go.  Fletch hits his head on cell door lintel.)

Scene 11, Shot 73:  Jail door.

Chief Karlin:  OK, I'll take care of it now.

Fletch (Sings):  Swing low, sweet chariot

Scene 11, Shot 74:  Chief Karlin

Chief Karlin:  I'll handle it from here.

Scene 11, Shot 75:  Fletch

Fletch (Sings):  Coming for to carry me home.  (Says) Can't keep me  here, Chief.

Scene 11, Shot 76:  Chief Karlin

Chief Karlin:  Maybe I'm not going to keep you in here. (Unholsters gun.)  Maybe I'm gonna blow your brains out.

Scene 11, Shot 77:  Fletch, over Chief Karlin's shoulder.

Fletch:  Now, I'm no lawyer, but I do believe that's a violation of my rights.

Chief Karlin:  (Pulls out switchblade.)  After I shoot you, I stick  myself in the arm with this knife.  Then I place the knife in your  dead hand.

Scene 11, Shot 78:  Fletch

Chief Karlin:  Self defence. We don't do it much anymore, but...

Scene 11, Shot 79:  Chief Karlin

Chief Karlin (Polishing knife handle with handkerchief.):  ...boy,  back in the old days.

Scene 11, Shot 80:  Fletch

Fletch:  You're serious.

Scene 11, Shot 81:  Chief Karlin

Chief Karlin:  Ask anybody.

Scene 11, Shot 82:  Fletch

Fletch:  Can I ask anybody now?

Scene 11, Shot 83:  Chief Karlin

Scene 11, Shot 84:  Fletch

Fletch:  How about, can I call my mom, tell her how much I love her?

Scene 11, Shot 85:  Fletch, over Chief Karlin's shoulder.

Chief Karlin (Waving gun in Fletch's face):  Uhh...I guess not.

Scene 11, Shot 86: Chief Karlin

Scene 11, Shot 87:  Fletch

Fletch:  I'm a newspaper reporter.  You don't just blow away a...

Scne 11, Shot 88: Chief Karlin raising gun.

Fletch:  ...newspaper reporter.  It's kinda stupid, isn't it?

Chief Karlin:  What'll it be, Fletch?

Scene 11, Shot 89:  Fletch

Sceneer">Scene 11, Shot 90: Chief Karlin

Scene 11, Shot 91:  Fletch

Fletch:  Hey, I hate the beach anyway, man.  This isn't even my story.

Scene 11, Shot 92:  Chief Karlin

Scene 11, Shot 93:  Fletch

Fletch:  I got a deadline on my series on offtrack betting in the Himalayas.  It's a smaller story, but I'm know you've been following it.

Scene 11, Shot 94:  Chief Karlin

Scene 11, Shot 95:  Fletch

Fletch:  I can tell you have things under control down there.  Your beach.

Scene 11, Shot 96:  Chief Karlin, lowering gun.

Scene 11, Shot 97:  Fletch>

Scene 11, Shot 98:  Chief Karlin

Chief Karlin (Motioning Fletch out):  Come on.  Come on.

Scene 11, Shot 99:  Fletch

Fletch:  May I?  Thank you.

Scene 12, Shot 1: Walker's office. Walker looking out window.

Fletch:  How could you call him?  What's the matter with you?

Walker: (Turns away from window.) Fletch, I'm sorry

Scene 12, Shot 2:  Walker, Fletch and Larry.

Fletch:  Do you have any idea how close to death I came?

Scene 12, Shot 3: Walker

Walker:  God.  It's awful.

Scebe 12, Shot 4:  Fletch and Larry.

Fletch:  I mean, the guy had me alone in a cell with a gun at my head.  And a knife in his hand.  He threatened to kill me, Frank.

Scene 12, Shot 5:  Walker

Walker:  Gee.  That's a shame.

Scene 12, Shot 6:  Fletch and Larry.

Fletch:  He would have blown me away.

Scene 12, Shot 7:  Walker

Walker:  Unbelievable

Scene 12, Shot 8:  Fletch and Larry

Scene 12, Shot 9:  Walker

Scene 12, Shot 10: Fletch and Larry

Fletch:  You don't believe me, do you.

Scene 12, Shot 11: Walker

Walker:  No.

Scene 12, Shot 12: Fletch and Larry

Fletch (To Larry):  He thinks I made it up.

Larry:  Unbelievable.

Walker:  Fletch, I need an article from you, by tomorrow...

Fletch:  You believe me, don't you?

Larry:  Yes I do.

Walker: ...and I don't want any these unsubstantiated...

Scene 12, Shot 13:  Walker

Walker: ...charges about dope-dealing cops or any of your horseshit...

Scene 12, Shot 14:  Fletch and Larry

Walker: ...paranoid fantasies about homicidal police chiefs.

Scene 12, Shot 15:  Walker

Walker:  Give me something I can print!

Scene 12, Shot 16:  Fletch

Fletch (giving Walker the finger):  Print this.

Scene 12, Shot 17:  Walker

Scene 12, Shot 18:  Fletch and Larry, Fletch turns to leave.

Larry:  Me too. (Flips Walker off)

Scene 12, Shot 19

Walker:  Hey hey, watch...

Scene 12, Shot 20:  Doorway of Walkers office.  Fletch is closing door behind the two of them.

Walker:  ...it, you're on thin ice, Larry.

Scene 13, Shot 1:  Airplane hangar, looking through open door onto runway, Fletch is ambling across hangar floor.

Scene 13, Shot 2:  Fuselage of plane. Fletch steps up and adjusts teeth in window.

Fletch (VO):  The time had come to hang out at Boyd avaiation, meet some of the guys, find out what Stanwyk was doing with that plane. I splurged. I invested 49 cents in a set of novelty teeth.

Scene 13, Shot 3: Hangar.  Two men in foreground are working on another plane as Fletch comes walking around nose of other plane and peers into the cockpit.

Mechanic 1:  Hey!

Fletch:  (Turns around.)

Scene 13, Shot 4:  Mechanic 1, leaning on tool box.  [The Mechanics  are probably those listed as Bud and Willy in the credits.]

Mechanic 1:  You the guy from Ajax?

Scene 13, Shot 5:  Fletch, walking away from plane.

Fletch:  Yeah. You bet.

Scene 13, Shot 6:  Mechanic 1

Mechanic 1:  All right!

Scene 13, Shot 7:  Fletch, over Mechanic 2's shoulder.

Mechanic 2:  I thought you were bringing the (mumble).  [The last word  is unintelligible]

Fletch:  Yeah, well, they're on their way.  I'm the supervisor, I don't carry the stuff.

Scene 13, Shot 8:  Fletch next to nose of plane.

Mechanic 2:  Who's bringing 'em, Freddy?

Fletch:  Yeah, Freddy. (Walks down length of plane, peers into cockpit.)

Mechanic 2:  Supposed to have been here an hour ago, boy.

Fletch:  Well, traffic was murder.  You know, one of those manure spreaders jackknifed on the Santa Anna.  Godawful...

Scene 13, Shot 9:  Mechanic 1

Fletch: ...mess.

Scene 13, Shot 10: Fletch

Fletch:  You should see my shoes

Scene 13, Shot 11:  Mechanic 1 looks at Fletch's shoes.

Scene 13, Shot 12:  Fletch

Fletch:  Whew!

Scene 13, Shot 13:  Mechanic 2 polishing something.

Scene 13, Shot 14:  Fletch, over Mechanic 2's shoulder.

Fletch:  Stanwyk's baby, huh?

Mechanic 2:  Yeah.

Fletch:  Uh-huh. (Walks back along plane, looks inside.)

Scene 13, Shot 15:  Mechanic 1 climbing up from under wing.

Scene 13, Shot 16:  Fletch climbing out of airplane door.

Fletch:  Looks well used.

Scene 13, Shot 17:  Mechanic 2

Mechanic 2:  He flies back and forth to Utah every weekend.

Scene 13, Shot 18:  Fletch, Mechanic 1 in background.

Fletch:  Oh, is that right.  What is he, a Mormon?

Mechanic 1:  I don't think he's doing a whole lot of singing with the Tabernacle...

Scene 13, Shot 19:  Fletch, Mechanic 2 in background.

Mechanic 1:  ...Choir

Mechanic 2:  These executives they live hard, you know what I mean?

Scene 13, Shot 20:  Fletch, Mechanic 1 in background.

Fletch:  Oh, I sure do.

Scene 13, Shot 21:  Mechanic 2

Scene 13, Shot 22:  Fletch, over Mechanic 2's shoulder, Mechanic 1 in background.

Fletch:  (Whistles, walks over to wing.) Ahhh, that's a terrific
wing, I love this shape.

Mechanic 2:  Hey, do us a favor, pal.

Fletch:  Name's Liddy.  Gordon Liddy.

Scene 13, Shot 23: Mechanic 2

Mechanic 2:  Gord, take a look at the 7th (fetzer) valve, will you?.  I think it's been sticking.  [No idea what a 'fetzer valve' is or if that's written right.]

Scene 13, Shot 24:  Fletch, with Mechanic 1 in background.

Fletch:  Probably the humidity.

Mechanic 1:  That's funny!  No, what I think it is, myself, is the bypass line.

Scene 13, Shot 25:  Fletch, Mechanic 2 in background.

Fletch:  Yeah, could be the bypass line, yeah.  Maybe I should take a look at it.

Scene 13, Shot 26:  Fletch, over Mechanic 2's shoulder, mechanic 3 in background.  Fletch walks along fuselage to front, opens nose, and starts rummaging through the luggage that is stored there.

Mechanic 1:  Uh, Gordo, back here?

Fletch:  Don't tell me my business, boy.  Just checking the luggage. (Walks back, stops at window.)  Somebody oughta clean these windows. There is a tremendous buildup of gook all over them.  Look at that. (Pushes hand in Mechanic 2's face.)

Scene 13, Shot 27:  Fletch, over mechanic 1's shoulder. Fletch walks back along fuselage.

Fletch:  Use a lot of fuel to go to Utah?

Mechanic 1:  That's what I always ask him.

Scene 13, Shot 28:  Mechanic 2

Mechanic 2:  Burns enough fuel to go to South America and back.

Scene 13, Shot 29:  Fletch, climbing under wing.

Fletch:  South America and back.  That right.

Mechanic 1:  Yeah.

Scene 13, Shot 30:  Mechanic 1, over Fletch's shoulder.

Mechanic 1:  But I always kid him about it.  I say:  'What are you doing up there?  You doing some stunt flying or something?'

Scene 13, Shot 31:  Fletch, over Mechanic 1's shoulder.

Fletch:  What's he say?

Scene 13, Shot 32:  Mechanic 1, over Fletch's shoulder.

Mechanic 1:  He don't say nothing.  He just gives me that look. You know, he's got that look.

Scene 13, Shot 33:  Mechanic 2

Mechanic 2:  Yeah, he don't say nothing, he just gives him that look.

Scene 13, Shot 34:  Fletch and Mechanic 1.

Fletch:  Well, sure.  He's the boss.  Here, let me take a crack at...

Scene 13, Shot 35:  Mechanic 2

Fletch:  ...this (fetzer) here.

Scene 13, Shot 36:  Fletch peering into top of engine.

Scene 13, Shot 37:  Mechanic 1

Mechanic 1:  (Pointing to bottom of engine.)  Gord.

Scene 13, Shot 38:  Fletch looking down.

Fletch:  Yeah, I know where it is.  I'm just getting a birdseye view here (Looks at bottom of engine.) and oh-oh-oh!

Scene 13, Shot 39:  Mechanic 2

Mechanic 2:  What do you think?  It's the bypass line, right?

Scene 13, Shot 40:  Fletch and Mechanic 1 looking at engine.

Fletch:  I think it's the bypass line, yeah.

Mechanic 1:  Told you.

Fletch:  I'm going to need some plyers and a set of thirty-weight ballbearings...

Mechanic 1:  What?

Fletch:  Yeah. Tell you what.  I've got to go to my truck.  Fred get's here before I'm back, you can tell him to start without me.

Scene 13, Shot 41:  Mechanic 2

Mechanic 2:  What the hell do you need ballbearings for?

Scene 13, Shot 42:  Fletch at read of plane. Mechanic 1 in foreground

Fletch:  Aww, come on, guys, it's so simple.  Maybe you need a refresher course.  (Leans arm on engine part, jerks it back off.) Aiieee. It's all ball bearings nowadays.

Scene 13, Shot 43:  Mechanic 2

Scene 13, Shot 44:  Fletch, Mechanic 1 in foreground.

Fletch:  Now you prepare that (fetzer) valve with some three in one oil and some gauze pads.  And I'm going to need about ten quarts of antifreeze, preferably Prestone.  No, no, make that Quaker State.

Scene 13, Shot 45:  Mechanic 2

Scene 13, Shot 46:  Fletch, Mechanic 1 in foreground.

Fletch:  And wash those windows. They've got filth and muck on them.

Scene 14, Shot 1:  Fletch in racket club restaurant, waiter approaches

Waiter:  Buenas Dias, Senor.

Fletch:  Oh, hi.  Where's Mrs. Stanwyk.

Waiter:  In her cabana, Senor.

Fletch:  Oh, yeah.  I was supposed to meet her there. Cabana 6, right?

Waiter:  Cabana 1.

Fletch:  One, right.

Waiter:  You would like something to eat or drink, Senor?

Fletch:  In fact I would.

Waiter:  Charge it to the Underhills, Senor.

Fletch:  Yeah, that's right.  Do you have any caviar?

Waiter:  Si, Senor. Beluga. But it is 80 dollars a portion.

Fletch:  Well, then I better only take two portions of that. How's the lobster thermidor?

Waiter:  I recommend it, Senor.

Fletch:  Good. That'll be fine.  Bring two bottles of Dom Perignon to cabana 1.

Waiter:  Very good, Senor.

Fletch:  And put down thirty dollars for yourself, huh?

Waiter:  Muchas gracias.

Fletch:  This is the nicest place.

Scene 14, Shot 2:  Fletch walking through club to cabana.

Scene 14, Shot 3:  Fletch walks up to door and knocks.

Scene 14, Shot 4:  Inside cabana. Gail Stanwyk walks through doorway dressed in two towels.

Gail Stanwyk:  Who is it?

Fletch:  It's John.

Gail Stanwyk:  John who?

Scene 14, Shot 5:  Fletch through window in door.

Fletch:  It's John.  John Leveev...

Scene 14, Shot 6:  Gail Stanwyk

Gail Stanwyk:  John Coctoasten?

Scene 14, Shot 7: Gail Stanwyk, from behind, opening door.  Fletch  enters.

Fletch:  Uh, hi.

Scene 14, Shot 8:  Gail Stanwyk

Gail Stanwyk:  Hi.

Scene 14, Shot 9:  Fletch

Fletch:  I was hoping you'd say that.

Scene 14, Shot 10:  Gail Stanwyk

Gail Stanwyk:  I just got out of the shower.

Scene 14, Shot 11:  Fletch

Fletc:  Yeah.  Can I borrow your towel for a sec?  My car just hit a water buffalo.

Scene 14, Shot 12:  Gail Stanwyk

Gail Stanwyk: (Laughs.)

Scene 14, Shot 13:  Fletch

Fletch:  Nice place you have here.

Scene 14, Shot 14:  Gail Stanwyk

Gail Stanwyk: I was surprised to see you.  What are you doing here?

Scene 14, Shot 15:  Fletch

Fletch:  I ordered some lunch.

Scene 14, Shot 16:  Gail Stanwyk

Gail Stanwyk:  You ordered it here?

Scene 14, shot 17:  Fletch

Fletch:  Well I knew this is where my mouth would be.

Scene 14, Shot 18:  Gail Stanwyk

Gail Stanwyk:  I really should change.

Scene 14, Shot 19:  Gail Stanwyk walking through door.  Fletch  in background.

Fletch:  Oh, I think you should stay the same wonderful person you are today.

Gail Stanwyk:  I mean, put clothes on.

Scene 14, Shot 20:  Gail Stanwyk blowdrying her hair.

Gail Stanwyk:  No, really, make yourself comfortable.

Scene 14, Shot 21:  Fletch lying on bed.

Gail Stanwyk:  Are you always this forward?

Fletch:  Only with wet, married women.

Scene 14, Shot 22: Gail Stanwyk blowdrying her hair. Knock.

Gail Stanwyk:  Your turn at the door.

Scene 14, shor 23:  Fletch walking through doorway to door.

Scene 14, Shot 24:  Fletch walks to door and opens it. Two waiters  are there with lunch on a trolley.

Fletch:  Ah!  OK, very good, gentlemen come on in (Waiters bring trolley inside.)  Right this way.

Scene 14, Shot 25:  Fletch, pulling out champagne bottle

Fletch:  Right in here.  This is good.  Ah, that's very nice.

Waiter:  Why don't I set up?

Fletch:  No.  I'll take care of it. Give each other 20 dollars, OK?  Put it on Underhill.

Waiter:  Muchas gracias.

Fletch:  Tierra del Fuego.

Scene 14, Shot 26:  Gail Stanwyk coming through doorway.

Gail Stanwyk:  (Walking up to Fletch.) Oh, this is beautiful!

Fletch:  (Pops champagne cork.)  Yeah, there we have it.

Gail Stanwyk:  All this goes on the Underhill's bill.

Fletch:  Yeah. Well, I saved his life during the war.

Gail Stanwyk:  You were in the war?

Fletch:  No.  He was.  I got him out.

Gail Stanwyk: Oh.  Wow.  I can't believe I'm doing this.  This  is great.

Fletch:  Let's eat!

Gail Stanwyk:  Let's eat.

Scene 14, Shot 27:  Mr & Mrs. Underhill at table.  Waiter walks up
with check.

Underhill:  Time to go.

Waiter:  The bill, Senor.

Underhill:  Oh, thank you. (Signs.)  400 dollars for lunch?

Waiter:  Your guest, senor.

Underhill:  What guest?  We don't have any guest here today.   Two bottles of Dom Perignon, a hundred dollars a pop.  Jesus H.  Christ!  Where is he?

Waiter:  He is with Mrs. Stanwyk

Mrs. Underhill: This is crazy!

Underhill:  Where is she?

Waiter:  Cabana 1.

Scene 14, Shot 28:  Fletch and Gail Stanwyk

Fletch:  Mind if I ask you a question?

Gail Stanwyk:  Depends on the question.

Fletch:  Want some more champagne?

Gail Stanwyk:  Yes.

Fletch:  (Pouring)  Are you still in love with Alan?

Gail Stanwyk:  No.  I mean, no, you can't ask me that question.   Ask me another one.

Fletch:  Why'd you let me in?

Scene 14, Shot 29:  Gail Stanwyk

Gail Stanwyk:  Because I'm bored.

Scene 14, Shot 30:  Fletch

Fletch:  If you're so bored, why didn't you go to Utah with Alan?

Scene 14, Shot 31:  Gail Stanwyk

Gail Stanwyk:  Utah's not exactly a cure for boredom.

Scene 14, Shot 32:  Fletch

Fletch:  That's a good point.

Scene 14, Shot 33:  Gail Stanwyk

Gail Stanwyk:  I'm mean, I've never even been there.  I shouldn't say that.

Scene 14, Shot 34:  Fletch

Fletch:  What about his parents.  They live there?

Scene 14, Shot 35: Gail Stanwyk

Gail Stanwyk:  He hasn't seen them for years, so I've never met them.

Scene 14, Shot 36:  Fletch

Fletch:  They don't get along well?

Scene 14, Shot 37:  Gail Stanwyk.  Knocking on door is heard.

Scene 14, Shot 38:  Fletch

Scene 14, Shot 39:  Underhill through door

Underhill: (Knocks.)  Mrs. Stanwyk.

Scene 14, Shot 40:  Gail Stanwyk

Gail Stanwyk:  Yes?

Scene 14, Shot 41:  Underhill through door.

Underhill: I'm sorry to disturb you.

Scene 14, Shot 42:  Fletch

Underhill:  It's Ted Underhill here.

Fletch:  Thanks for a great time. I (Looks at bare forearm.) Whew...gotta get...

Scene 14, Shot 43:  Fletch getting up.

Fletch:  ...outta here.

Gail Stanwyk:  (Holding Fletch back)  Wait a minute.  What is this?

Scene 14, Shot 44:  Underhill outside door.

Underhill:  Someone of your acquaintance...

Scene 14, Shot 45:  Fletch and Gail Stanwyk

Underhill:  ...has charged a 400 dollar lunch to my account.

Gail Stanwyk:  John...You don't know the Underhills?

Fletch:  (Shakes head)

Underhill:  I'd appreciate the opportunity of discussing this matter with you.

Fletch (High voice):  I'm just out of the shower.

Gail Stanwyk:  Can you wait a minute?

Fletch (High voice):  I just have to wee wee.

Scene 14, Shot 46:  Underhill outside door.

Underhill:  Oh, yes.  Of course.

Scene 14, Shot 47:  Bedroom.  Gail Stanwyk.

Gail Stanwyk:  Why did you do it?

Scene 14, Shot 48:  Fletch at window.

Fletch:  Well, I don't think it would be fair for you to pay the bill.

Scene 14, Shot 49:  Gail Stanwyk

Gail Stanwyk:  A 400 dollar lunch tab?

Scene 14, Shot 50:  Fletch

Fletch:  That's what I mean.  It's outrageous.

Scene 14, Shot 51:  Gail Stanwyk

Fletch:  It's way over the line.

Gail Stanwyk:  I'll cover it.

Scene 14, Shot 52:  Fletch preparing to crawl through the window.

Gail Stanwyk:  Wait.  You can't go out looking like that.

Scene 14, Shot 53:  Gail Stanwyk

Gail Stanwyk:  He might spot you.

Scene 14, Shot 54:  Fletch

Gail Stanwyk:  Hold on.  You look like you're the same size as Alan.

Scene 14, Shot 55:  Gail Stanwyk, with suit.

Gail Stanwyk:  Put this on.

Scene 14, Shot 56:  Fletch

Fletch:  Nice suit.

Gail Stanwyk:  Just return it.

Scene 14, Shot 57:  Gail Stanwyk, with shirt.

Gail Stanwyk:  Any other surprises?

Scene 14, Shot 58:  Fletch

Fletch:  Yeah.  My name is not John...

Sccene 14, hsot 59:  Gail Stanwyk

Fletch: ...Cocktoasten.

Scene 14, Shot 60:  Fletch

Fletch:  And I wasn't at your wedding.

Scene 14, Shot 61:  Gail Stanwyk

Gail Stanwyk:  Who are you?

Scene 14, Shot 62: Fletch

Fletch:  I'm Irwin Fletcher, and I write a newspaper column under the name Jane Doe...

Scene 14, Shot 63: Gail Stanwyk

Fletch:  ...and it's not the food section, Gail.

Gail Stanwyk:  So?

Scene 14, Shot 64:  Fletch

Fletch:  So. Your husband hired me to kill him.

Scene 14, Shot 65:  Gail Stanwyk.  Knocking in background.

Scene 14, Shot 66:  Fletch

Underhil:  Mrs. Stanwyk!

Scene 14, Shot 67:  Underhill through door.

Underhill:  Mrs...

Scene 14, Shot 68:  Gail Stanwyk

Underhill:  ...Stanwyk.

Gail Stanwyk: (Calls) In a minute.  (To Fletch) Enough surprises.

Scene 14, Shot 69:  Fletch, over Gail Stanwyk's shoulder.

Gail Stanwyk:  What the hell are you talking about?

Fletch:  Sit down a minute.  Your husband told me he was dying of cancer.  Is that true?  No, it's not true.  That ranch property you thought you were buying in Utah?  Not true.

Scene 14,  Shot 70:  Gail Stanwyk

Scene 14m Shot 71:  Fletch

Fletch:  He's a bad guy, Gail.

Scene 14, Shot 72:  Gail Stanwyk

Fletch:  He's involved in something very big and very bad.

Scene 14, Shot 73:  Fletch

Fletch:  You know a guy named Jim Swarthout?

Scene 14, Shot 74:  Gail Stanwyk

Gail Stanwyk:  Yeah.  Swarthout's the man who sold us the ranch.

Scene 14 Shot 75:  Fletch

Fletch:  Wrong.  He sold you 3000 dollars worth of scrub brush.

Scene 13m Shot 76:  Gail Stanwyk

Gail Stanwyk:  No, I saw the deed.

Scene 14, shot 77:  Fletch

Fletch:  You saw a forgery.

Scene 14, Shot 78:  Gail Stanwyk

Scene 14, Shot 79:  Fletch, over Gail Stanwyk's shoulder.

Fletch:  This is the real deed.

Scene 14, Shot 80:  Pictures of deed

Fletch:  See, there's Swarthout's name. If this was at all legible...

Scene 14, Shot 81:  Gail Stanwyk

Fletch: ...you'd see what I meant.

Scene 14, Shot 82:  Fletch

Fletch:  Look...

Scene 14, Shot 83:  Picture of dog.

Fletch: ...this is the dog that tried to bite me...

Scene 14, Shot 84:  Gail Stanwyk

Scene 14, Shot 85:  Picture of motel

Fletch:  ...here's the motel I stayed at (Pushes in picture of car.) Here's my car (Another [Indecipherable] picture.) Dog tried to bite  that (Picture of interior of church.) There's the Mormon tabernacle.

Scene 14, Shot 86:  Gail Stanwyk

Gail Stanwyk:  Stop it. Stop.

Scene 14m Shot 87:  Fletch

Fletch:  He's told me a lot of things.  So far, not one of them has
been true.

Scene 14, Shot 88:  Gail Stanwyk

Scene 14, Shot 89:  Fletch, over Gail Stanwyk's shoulder.

Fletch:  I'm sorry to have to tell you these things. (Knocks  heard  in background)

Underhill:  Mrs. Stanwyk!

Gail Stanwyk:  (Calls) Wait!  Just wait a minute.  (To Fletch) I'm  going to call my father.  He'll know...

Fletch:  No.  You can't...

Gail Stanwyk:  ...what to do.

Fletch:  Please. Look, I know you don't know me from a hole in the wall, but you've gotta trust me.

Scene 14, Shot 90:  Gail Stanwyk

Scene 14, Shot 91:  Fletch

Fletch:  Just give me 24 hours.

Scene 14, Shot 92:  Gail Stanwyk

Underhill (Knocking):  Mrs Stanwyk!

Scene 14, Shot 93:  Fletch

Fletch:  Laker fan?

Scene 14, Shot 94:  Gail Stanwyk

Gail Stanwyk:  No.  (Knocking heard.)  Yeah!

Scene 14, Shot 95:  Fletch

Gail Stanwyk (Calls):  I'm coming.  Just a minute.

Fletch:  I'll take you to a game. (Picks up jacket and heads to window.)

Scene 14, Shot 96:  Underhill in front of door.

Underhill (Pounding on door): Mrs. Stanwyk!

Scene 14, Shot 97:  Fletch climbing through window.  Knocking heard in background.

Scene 14, Shot 98:  Underhill through door.  Still pounding away. Gail Stanwyk opens door.

Gail Stanwyk:  Sorry.  Thanks.  (Takes bill.)  Bye.  (Closes door.)

Scene 14, Shot 99:  Gail Stanwyk

Gail Stanwyk:  Wait!  What...

Scene 14, Shot 100: Fletch climbing through window.

Gail Stanwyk:  ...are you talking about?

Fletch:  I'm talking about how much I'd like to take you to a Laker game.  If you need me, call the paper.

Scene 14, Shot 101:  Gail Stanwyk

Gail Stanwyk:  What am I supposed to do for the next 24 hours?

Scene 14 Shot 103: Fletch

Fletch:  Act natural.

Scene 14, Shot 103:  Gail Stanwyk

Gail Stanwyk:  I was afraid you'd say that.

Scene 15, Shot 1:  Parking lot through chainlink fence.

Scene 15, Shot 2:  Fletch in his car, reading the paper.

Scene 15m Shot 3:  Stanwyk getting into his car.

Scene 15, Shot 4:  Fletch in his car.

Scene 15, Shot 5:  Stanwyk driving his car.

Scene 14, Shot 6:  Fletch starting his car.

Scene 15, Shot 7:  Stanwyk pulls up to stop line.  Fletch's car in background.

Scene 15, Shot 8:  Fletch's car, stopped.

Scene 15, Shot 9:  Fletch in car.

Scene 14, Shot 10:  Stanwyk loading gas cans into his trunk.

Scene 15, Shot 11:  Fletch

Scene 15, Shot 12:  Stanwyk closing trunk.

Scene 15, Shot 13:  Stanwyk driving.

Scene 15, Shot 14:  Stanwyk's car, through Fletch's windshield.

Scene 15, Shot 15:  Fletch driving his car.

Scene 15, Shot 16:  Stanwyk's car through Fletch's windshield.

Scene 15, Shot 17:  Fletch driving.

Scene 15, Shot 18:  Stanwyk's car on freeway, through Fletch's
window.

Scene 15, Shot 19:  Fletch driving.

Scene 15, Shot 20:  Stanwyk's car on bridge, pulling up ahead of car and parking.  Someone gets out of rear car and walks forward.

Scene 15, Shot 21:  Fletch's car on bridge.

Scene 15, Shot 22:  Stanwyk's car on bridge.  Stanwyk gets out and goes to rear car.

Scene 15, Shot 23:  Fletch's car on bridge.  Stops.

Scene 15, Shot 24:  Stanwyk gets into rear car.

Scene 15, Shot 25:  Fletch pulls forward a bit.

Scene 15, Shot 26:  Rear car.  Stanwyk gets out with a metal suitcase.

Scene 15, Shot 27:  Fletch observing.

Scene 15, Shot 28:  Man gets back into rear car.

Fletch:  What's he doing with the chief?

Scene 15, Shot 29:  Fletch driving along palm-lined road.

Fletch (VO):  Seeing bone cancer and Chief Karlin together might lead to a page one item.  But without any real evidence, Frank wouldn't even...

Scene 15, Shot 30:  Fletch at wheel of car.

Fletch (VO): ...print it in the want ads.  I had to keep digging...

Scene 14, Shot 31:  Fletch's car pulls in behind his apartment building.

Fletch (VO):  ...without a shovel.

Scene 15, Shot 32:  Fletch at wheel of his car.

Scene 15, Shot 33:  Fletch's car pulls up to apartment building and stops.

Scene 15, Shot 34:  Fletch gets out of car.

Scene 15, Shot 35:  View of fire escape.

Scene 15, Shot 36:  Fletch walks around car and bends to pick up garbage can.

Scene 15, Shot 37:  Fletch, through a basement window.  Fletch looks in.

Scene 15, Shot 38:  Police cars in garage in basement.

Scene 15, Shot 39:  Fletch through basement window.  Fletch jumps up and runs to car.

Scene 15, Shot 40:  Police cars in garage turn on lights and move out.

Scene 15, Shot 41:  Fletch's car pulling away.

Scene 15, Shot 42:  Fletch's car driving down alley.

Scene 15, Shot 43:  Police cars pulling onto street.

Scene 15, Shot 44:  Fletch's car pulls out of alley.  Police car drive by in background.

Scene 15, Shot 45: Fletch's car pulls up to a curb.

Scene 15, Shot 46:  Teenager in Alfa Romeo.

Scene 15, Shot 47:  Alfa and Fletch's car.  Fletch gets out and walks up to Alfa.

Fletch:  Afternoon...

Scene 15, Shot 48:  Teenager in Alfa.

Fletch:  ...smog patrol.  Have your emissions checked?

Teenager:  Nossir.

Scene 15, Shot 49:  Fletch leaning on Alfa.

Fletch:  Flourocarbons?  Ozone?

Scene 15, Shot 50:  Teenager

Teenager:  Nossir.

Scene 15, Shot 51:  Fletch leaning on Alfa.

Fletch:  Well, let's check it out. (Opens door.)

Scene 15, Shot 51:  Teenager in Alfa.  Fletch pushes him over.

Fletch:  What do you say?  Hurry up!

Scene 15, Shot 52:  Fletch in Alfa.

Fletch:  Smells pretty good.

Scene 15, Shot 53:  Alfa pulling away from curb. Sirens in background.

Scene 15, Shot 54:  Officer in police car.

Radio:  [Squawks incomprehensibly] (Something about a suspect in a  white Alfa Romeo.)

Scene 15, Shot 55:  Fletch in Alfa through officer's window.

Scene 15, Shot 56:  Officer in car.

Scene 15, Shot 57:  Fletch in Alfa, cutting off officer's car. Through window.

Scene 15, Shot 58:  Officers in car.  One picks up radio.

Officer:  In pursuit.

Scene 15, Shot 49:  Alfa screaming down street.

Scene 15, Shot 50:  Fletch at wheel.

Scene 15, Shot 51:  Police cars in pursuit.

Scene 15, Shot 52:  Fletch at wheel.

Scene 15, Shot 53:  Teenager in passenger seat.

Scene 15, Shot 54:  Fletch at wheel.

Fletch:  Why don't you catch some shuteye.  Just lay back and enjoy.

Scene 15, Shot 55:  Teenager in passenger seat.

Teenager:  Auuuggghhh!

Scene 15, Shot 56: Fletch

Fletch:  Try to breathe through your nose.

Scne 15, Shot 57:  Teenager

Teenager:  Auuuuu-

Scene 15, Shot 58:  Alfa tears around corner.

Teenager:  -gggghhhhh!

Scene 15, Shot 59:  Two police cars come around same corner.

Scene 15, Shot 69:  Alfa driving along street.

Scene 15, Shot 70:  Police car in hot pursuit.

Scene 15, Shot 71:  Alfa weaving through traffic.

Scene 15, Shot 72:  Fletch, Teenager in background.

Fletch:  I always use a little chewing gum on these rides. It filters out the pollutants.

Teenager:  Oh...

Scene 15, Shot 73:  Alfa barely misses tail of a pickup truck.

Teenager: ...shit!

Scene 15, Shot 74: Alfa weaving through traffic.

Fletch:  Course you got some good grillwork there, filter out the ozone.  I got to get this thing up to 95.  Check out the flourocarbon output.

Scene 15, Shot 75:  Police cars weaving through traffic.

Scene 15, Shot 76:  Alfa weaving through traffic.

Fletch:  Don't worry about the speed limit here.  That's why we got the police escort.

Scene 15, Shot 77:  Reverse angle.

Teenager:  You a cop?

Fletch:  Far as you know.

Teenager:  You gonna take me to jail for car theft?

Fletch:  Why?  You steal the car?

Teenager:  I sure did.

Fletch:  Well, I'm not even sure that's a crime any more.  There've been a lot of changes in the law recently.

Scene 15, Shot 78:  Police cars in pursuit.

Officer (over PA):  Hold it right there (mumble).

Scene 15, Shot 79:  Fletch and Teenager in car.

Officer (over PA):  Pull over.

Teenager:  Hey, look out for that truck!

Scene 15, Shot 80:  Though front of Alfa.  Fletch steers around back of truck.

Scene 15, Shot 81:  Teenager

Scene 15, Shot 82:  Alfa, from pursuing police car.  Alfa ducks in front of truck.

Scene 15, Shot 83:  Fletch and Teenager, truck in background.

Fletch:  Nothing.  Just a nice little game I play with my buddies.  Kind of a hide-and-seek kid of a thing.  They love it.

Scene 15, Shot 84:  Alfa, from under truck.

Scene 15, Shot 85:  Fletch

Fletch:  What a day!  Whew! Must be a stage two right about here.

Scene 15, Shot 86:  Back of truck, through windshield of Alfa.

Fletch:  A little slipstreaming and, whoa, there's Fred! (Alfa comes left of truck, motorcycle cop now ahead.)

Scene 15, Shot 87:  Police car in pursuit, Alfa comes around on the outside.

Scene 15, Shot 88:  Fletch through windshield.

Scene 15, Shot 89: Teenager

Scene 15, Shot 90:  Police car, in right lane.  Alfa moves towards it from left.

Scene 15, Shot 91:  Teenager, police car in background.

Officer (over PA):  Can't you hear me?  Pull over!

Scene 15, Shot 92:  Fletch

Officer (over PA):  I said...

Scene 15, Shot 93:  Teenager, police car in background.

Officer:  ...pull over!

Scene 15, Shot 94:  Police car hits edge of road, goes up embankment and flips over.

Scene 15, Shot 95:  Fletch

Fletch:  Uh, oh!

Scene 15, Shot 96:  Flipped police car.  Officers run up to help out officer in car.

Scene 15, Shot 97:  Fletch and teenager

Teenager:  You got a licence?

Fletch:  I didn't bring it with me.  Do you have one?

Scene 15, Shot 98:  Teenager.  Motorcycle cop in background.

Teenager:  No.

Scene 15, Shot 99:  Motorcycle cop coming alongside.

Fletch:  Hey buddy!  How's the herpes?

Scene 15, Shot 100:  Teenager

Fletch:  Does it hurt?

Scene 15, Shot 101:  Motorcycle cop

Motorcycle cop:  Pull over!

Scene 15, Shot 102:  Alfa and motorcycle from rear

Fletch:  I did pull over before. I'll pull over later.

Scene 15, Shot 103:  Motorcycle cop

Motorcycle cop:  Pull over.

Scene 15, Shot 104: Fletch

Fletch;  All right, that's it.  You can turn in your badge to the next (mumble) hall...

Scene 15, Shot 105:  Motorcycle cop

Fletch: ...you're a disgrace to the force!

Scene 15, Shot 106:  Fletch

Scene 15, Shot 107: Alfa, flying over median grass.

Scene 15, Shot 108:  Motorcycle cop, flying off bike.

Scene 15, Shot 109:  Alfa, landing on median.

Scene 15, Shot 110:  Motorcycle cop landing.

Scene 15, Shot 111:  Alfa,  continuing on other road, police car still in pursuit.

Scene 15, Shot 112:  Police car driving over median.

Scene 15, Shot 113: Alfa screaming around corner.  Car coming behind brakes, hits car going other way.

Scene 15, Shot 114:  Police car going around same corner.

Scene 15, Shot 115:  Alfa going around another corner.

Scene 15, Shot 116:  Teenager

Scene 15, Shot 117:  Fletch

Scene 15, Shot 118:  Officers in police car.

Scene 15, ahot 119:  Alfa with police car in hot pursuit.

Scene 15, Shot 120:  Police car fishtailing around corner.

Scene 15, Shot 121:  Alfa pulling into drive and stops, police car overshoots and stops.

Scene 15, Shot 122: Fletch and teenager.  Fletch opens door.

Fletch:  Congratulations.  You pass the test.  Raise your left hand, please.

Scene 15, Shot 123:  Teenager raising hand.

Fletch: (Putting baseball hat on hand.)  My men will be right with you.

Scene 15, Shot 124:  Fletch running through loading dock.

Scene 15, Shot 125:  View through loading dock.  Two cops conferring.

Scene 15, Shot 126:  Fletch in kitchen.  Grabs box and saunters past.

Scene 15, Shot 127:  Fletch walking through kitchen, grabs coat off rack.

Scene 15, Shot 128:  Cop running through loading dock.

Scene 15, Shot 129:  Fletch putting on coat, grabs tray.

Fletch:  (Yells incoherent orders)

Scene 15, Shot 130:  Policeman making his way through kitchen.

Scene 15, Shot 131:  Hall, lots of people applauding.  Fletch comes through door in back.

Speaker:  Velma Nobel, Alice Lee Hereford, Lee Weaver and Harold Awsley.

Scene 15, Shot 132:  Policeman in kitchen, running into cart pushed by cook.

Scene 15, Shot 133:  Fletch, with Speaker in background.

Speaker:  I would like now for you to meet our friends...

Scene 15, Shot 134:  Hall, police enter through back door.

Speaker: ...here on the dias, so please hold your applause until...

Scene 15, Shot 135: Fletch, bending over table.

Speaker: ...I'm finished.  To my left...

Fletch:  More  coffee? (Hands back cup he's just removed.) There you go.

Speaker: ...is Ginny May, Selby Desner, Wal...uh..Barbara...

Scene 15, Shot 136: Hall, more officers come through rear door.

Speaker:  ...Wattell, Walter Smith...

Scene 15, Shot 137:  Fletch

Speaker: ...Marcus Sterling and Paul Fleming.

Scene 15 Shot 138:  Fletch grabs glass from someone just about to drink from it.

Speaker:  And to my right...

Scene 15, Shot 139:  Fletch puts down water glass on another table.

Speaker:  ...Michael Kinya...

Scene 15, Shot 140:  Fletch puts plate on table, ducks.

Speaker:  ...Olivia Dee Williams...

Scene 15, sbot 141:  Hall, police officers in background.

Speaker:  ...Arthur Bailey, Bea Dorfman.  And now...

Scene 15, Shot 142:  Fletch hiding between diners.

Speaker:  ...the father of...

Scene 15, Shot 143:  Doorway.  More cops enter.

Speaker: ...Internal Bushings, a man who needs no introduction, our  very own and...

Scene 15, Shot 144:  Two cops, pointing at Fletch.

Speaker: ...beloved leader, a man who needs...

Scene 15, Shot 145:  Speaker platform.

Speaker: ...no introduction...

Fletch:  (Standing up): Thank you very much, Sammy...

Scene 15, Shot 146: Crowd

Fletch: ...thank you.

Scene 15, Shot 147:  Fletch

Fletch:  I couldn't wait.  It was a...

Scene 15, Shot 148:  Speaker's platform

Fletch:  ...very nice introduction.  I'm...

Scene 15, Shot 149:  Cops, moving towards Fletch.

Fletch:  ...very thrilled and proud to be here today.

Scene 15, Shot 150:  Fletch

Fletch: It's been a wonderful ceremony so far, here on behalf of our own Fred...

Scene 15, Shot 151:  Speaker's platform

Fletch: ...'The Dorf'...

Scene 15, Shot 152:  Fletch

Fletch: ...Dorfman.

Scene 15, Shot 153:  Man next to speaker - Dorfman? -  taps speaker's  arm.

Man next to speaker (Mouths):  Who is he?

Scene 15, Shot 154:  Fletch

Fletch:  Many of you don't know that Fred was darn near death recently, and he wasn't ashamed to admit to me that he had had syphilis.

Scene 15, Shot 155:  Dorfman

Fletch:  Thank God he stopped it in its tracks.

Scene 15, Shot 156:  People in hall.

Scene 15, Shot 157:  Fletch

Fletch:  I must tell you that it takes a lot for a man to admit where he got it from...

Scene 15, Shot 158:  Speakers platform.  People conferring.

Fletch:  ...and how he got it and...

Scene 15, Shot 159:  Fletch

Fletch:  ...I must say, look at him today.  Fred, you look just wonderful...

Scene 15, Shot 160:  Dorfman

Fletch: ...the nose looks normal again, the face has come back into shape.

Dorfman (Mouths): I don't know him.

Scene 15, Shot 161:  Fletch

Fletch:  He's not drooling anymore.  It's a good sign.

Scene 15, Shot 162:  Crowd, cops in background.

Fletch:  And hats off to Marge, his wife...

Scene 15, Shot 163:  Crowd, Fletch in background...

Fletch:  ...because that whole experience there, the two or  three weeks...

Scene 15, Shot 164:  Fletch

Fletch: ...that she stayed in Trembling Hills has paid off...

Scene 15, Shot 165:  Speakers platform

Fletch:  ...no more alcohol or sedatives in her life.

Scene 15, Shot 166: Fletch

Fletch:  But there's so many other things I wanna tell you about Fred things that maybe many of you already know. (Leaps up to platform, grabs microphone)  Sammy, you're not going to sing for us, are you?  Heh heh.  Did you know that Fred...

Scne 15, Shot 167:  Crowd.  Cops are now quite close to Fletch.

Fletch:  ...spent a good deal of his life honoring a...

Scene 15, Shot 168:  Fletch

Fletch:  ...profession that has gone largely unsung around here.

Scene 15, Shot 169:  Officers moving through crowd.

Fletch:  Some of those boys are here tonight.

Scene 15, Shot 170:  Other officers moving through crowd.

Fletch:  That profession is, of course, law enforcement.  I know...

Scene 15, Shot 171: Fletch

Fletch:  ...Fred feels this way, that too often our feelings...

Scene 15, Shot 152:  Crowd, officers moving towards Fletch.  Fletch in background.

Fletch:  ...are locked in.  We feel restrained, perhaps even embarrassed to actually reach out and...

Scene 15, Shot 173:  Fletch

Fletch:  ...touch an officer of the law . After all, they are people, aren't they?

Scene 15, Shot 174:  Crowd.  Officers moving towards Fletch.

Fletch:  So why not stand up (People begin standing up) and pat 'em on the back.

Scene 15, shot 175:  Fletch

Fletch:  Reach out, go ahead.

Scene 15, Shot 176:  Cops, being hemmed in by people.

Fletch:  Shake hands with any one of the guys...

Scene 15, Shot 177:  Other cops being hemmed in by people.

Fletch:  ...you see, these men in blue.

Scene 15, Shot 178:  More cops being hemmed in.

Fletch:  Hug a cop!  Yeah, go ahead, I said it!

Scene 15, Shot 179: And more of same.

Fletch:  Yeah, that's a wonderful feeling.

Scene 15, Shot 180:  Fletch

Fletch:  I'm so proud tonight (Taking off cap, shuffling towards door.) (Sings) Oh, say can you see...

Scene 15, Shot 181:  Crowd.  People taking off hats and joining in.

All:  ...By the...

Scene 15, Shot 182:  Cop taking hat off.

All:  ...dawn's early...

Scene 15, Shot 183: Fletch

All: ...light...

Scene 15, Shot 184:  Crowd

All:  ...What so...

Scene 15, Shot 185:  Fletch

All:  ...proudly...

Scene 15, Shot 186:  Two cops pushing through crowd.

All:  ...we...

Scene 15, Shot 187:  Fletch

All:  ...hailed...

Scene 15, Shot 188:  Crowd

All:  ...at the twilight's...

Fletch:  Cops!

Scene 15, Shot 189:  Fletch

Fletch:  Hip hip hooray!

Scene 15, Shot 190: Crowd

Crowd:  Hooray!  Hooray!

Scene 15, Shot 191:  Fletch drops microphone, bolts for door.

Crowd:  (Random cheers.)

Scene 15, Shot 192:  Cop, stopped by crowd.

Scene 15, Shot 193:  Fletch, vaulting over people.

Scene 15, Shot 194:  Two cops, stopped by people.

Scene 15, Shot 195:  Fletch exiting room.

Scene 15, Shot 196:  Cop, fighting through crowd.

Scene 16, Shot 1:  Computer screen.  Displays:  'Stanwyk, Alan, 749 Beverly Hills Drive, Beverly Hills. 1 PA 441f 22 April TH LAXG*, 145P B35A/1/0'

Pan Am Clerk:  Mr Stanwyk, you are confirmed on Pan Am flight 441 to Rio de Janeiro tomorrow evening 11 PM, first class.

Scene 16, Shot 2:  Fletch

Fletch:  That's terrific.  Thank you.

Pan Am Clerk:  You reconfirmed this morning.

Fletch:  You bet I did. I'm a bear for detail.  I hope there's nobody sitting next to me. See, I always travel first class, and I take both seats up.  I'm in bridge work...

Scene 16, Shot 3:  Pan Am Clerk, over Fletch's shoulder.

Fletch:  ...bridge construction.

Scene 16, Shot 4:  Fletch, over Pan Am Clerk's shoulder.

Fletch:  These foldouts take up a tremendous amount of space up, and I need space.

Scene 16, Shot 5: Pan Am Clerk

Pan Am Clerk:  I'm afraid there is someone sitting next to you.

Scene 16, Shot 6: Fletch

Fletch:  Oh, for god-daan-daan.  Who is it?  Mr Sinalinlin?

Scene 16, Shot 7: Pan Am Clerk

Pan Am Clerk:  No, the name is Cavanaugh.

Scene 16, Shot 8:  Fletch

Fletch:  Cavanaugh.  Ah!  Is that Morris or Pierre?

Scene 16, Shot 9:  Pan Am Clerk

Pan Am Clerk:  Sally Ann...

Scene 16, Shot 10:  Fletch

Pan Am Clerk:  ...Cavanaugh.

Fletch:  Sally Ann.  Well.  Terrific.

Scene 16, Shot 11: Pan Am Clerk

Pan Am Clerk:  In fact, you purchased the ticket for Miss Cavanaugh.

Scene 16, Shot 12:  Fletch

Fletch:  Doesn't mean I want her sitting next to me, does it?

Scene 16, Shot 13:  Pan Am Clerk over Fletch's shoulder

Pan Am Clerk:  I'm sorry.  The flight's full.  She's connecting out  of Provo.

Scene 16, Shot 14: Fletch, over Pan Am Clerk's shoulder.

Fletch: Oh.  All right, fine.. Provo, Spain?

Scene 16, Shot 15:  Pan Am Clerk, over Fletch's shoulder.

Pan Am Clerk:  Utah.

Scene 16, Shot 16:  Fletch

Fletch:  Utah!

Scene 16, Shot 17: Airport.  Camera pans to Fletch on phone

Fletch:  Listen, Frank, don't give me any crap about the beach story.  I'm at the airport

Walker:  The airport

Fletch:  Listen, there are at least two dozen cops after my ass. I can't go to my house, can't go to the office.  I'm a man without a country, Frank.

Scene 16, Shot 18:  Walker in his office.

Frank:  Fletch, these cops that're after you.  Come in here.  You'll be OK.

Scene 16, Shot 19:  Fletch at airport.

Fletch:  I couldn't even get through the front door.  Listen.  I'm going to Utah.

Scene 16, Shot 20:  Walker in his office.  Camera pans to include Reporter #2 on other side of his desk.

Walker:  You go to Utah, you stay in Utah.  I'm turning this story over to a professional reporter.  (Points to Reporter #2.)

Fletch:  Frank...

Scene 16, Shot 21:  Fletch at airport.

Fletch:  ...the story is Utah.  Trust me.

Scene 16, Shot 22:  Walker

Walker:  You go to Utah. Fine, fine, fine.  If your story is not on my desk by 11:30, you're out of a job.

Scene 17, Shot 1:  Airport runway.  Rental cars in background.

Scene 17, Shot 2:  Car lot. Rental car attendant giving Fletch keys to car.

Scene 17, Shot 3:  Fletch in car, driving along suburban street.

Scene 17, Shot 4: Fletch's car pulling up to curb.

Scene 17, Shot 5:  Fletch in car, looking at house and stopping car, getting out.

Scene 17, Shot 6:  House

Scene 17, Shot 7:  Fletch looking at house, moves towards it.

Scene 17, Shot 8:  Front of house, Fletch walks to porch.

Scene 17, Shot 9:  Fletch on porch.

Scene 17, Shot 10: Fletch's hand ringing bell.

Scene 17, Shot 11:  Fletch knocking, then opening mailbox.

Scene 17, Shot 12:  Fletch's hand removing mail - including Ed McMahon letter in the name of Sally A. Cavanaugh.

Scene 17, Shot 13:  Fletch smiling at letter.

Scene 17, Shot 14:  Interior of house, Fletch opens door and enters.

Scene 17, Shot 15:  Interior, showing that everything's been removed.

Scene 17, Shot 16:  Fletch in doorway.  Fletch pulls out cigarette and lights it.

Scene 17, Shot 17:  Fletch closing door, walks into house.

Fletch;  Cujo?

Scene 17, Shot 18:  Refrigerator. Opens.

Scene 17, Shot 19:  Fletch, reacting to fridge contents.

Scene 17, Shot 20:  Fridge closing.

Scene 17, Shot 21:  Fletch at kitchen window, pulls back curtains and looks out.

Scene 17, Shot 22:  Street outside.

Scene 17, Shot 23:  Fletch drops curtain, turns, runs head into light fixture and exits kitchen.

Scene 17, Shot 24:  Fletch ascending stairs.

Scene 17, Shot 25:  View of bedroom.  Everything empty.

Scene 17, Shot 26:  Fletch, taking a drag.

Scene 17, Shot 27:  Fletch walking into room, looking around and kneeling to look into bedside table.

Scene 17, Shot 28:  Landing of stairs.  Watchman with gun appears.

Scene 17, Shot 29:  Fletch, still peering into table.

Scene 17, Shot 30:  Watchman, entering room.

Scene 17, Shot 31: Fletch looking under bed.

Scene 17, Shot 32:  Watchman in doorway.

Watchman:  Who the hell are you?

Scene 17, Shot 33:  Fletch, looking up from bed.

Scene 17, Shot 34:  Watchman

Watchman:  Get up!

Scene 17, Shot 35:  Fletch, jumping up and raising hands.

Fletch:  I'm up!

Scene 17, Shot 36:  Watchman

Scene 17, Shot 37: Fletch

Fletch:  Door was unlocked.

Scene 17, Shot 38:  Watchman

Watchman:  Lock's busted.

Scene 17, Shot 39:  Fletch

Fletch:  Well, there you have it.

Scene 17, Shot 40:  Watchman

Watchman:  I work for the landlord.  Told me to watch out for the place.

Scene 17, Shot 41:  Fletch, over Watchman's shoulder.

Fletch: Well, I commend him on his choice.

Scene 17, Shot 42:  Watchman

Watchman:  What?

Scene 17, Shot 43:  Fletch

Fletch: I commend him on his choice.

Scene 17, Shot 44:  Watchman

Scene 17, Shot 45:  Fletch

Fletch: I was supposed to meet...

Scene 17, Shot 46:  Watchman, over Fletch's shoulder.

Fletch:  ...Mrs. Cavanaugh here.

Watchman:  Who are you?

Scene 17, Shot 47:  Fletch

Fletch:  I'm Don Corleone, Mrs Cavanaugh's cousin.

Scene 17, Shot 48:  Watchman, over Fletch's shoulder.

Fletch:  You know where she is?

Watchman:  Moved out

Scene 17, Shot 49:  Fletch

Fletch: Moved out?  Isn't that something.  I just talked to her last week.  She didn't say a thing about it.

Scene 17, Shot 50:  Watchman

Watchman:  She moved out

Scene 17, Shot 51:  Fletch

Fletch:  So, you're saying that she moved out.

Scene 17, Shot 52: Watchman

Watchman:  This morning.

Scene 17, Shot 53:  Fletch

Fletch:  This morning!  Gosh, we had so much to talk about.

Scene 17, Shot 54:  Watchman

Fletch:  You know, Moe...

Scene 17, Shot 55:  Fletch

Fletch:  ...Green is out of the Tropicana now, my son's Mike and Fredo are taking over...

Scene 17, Shot 56:  Watchman, over Fletch's shoulder.

Watchman:  What did you want under the bed?

Scene 17, Shot 57:  Fletch, over Watchman's shoulder.

Fletch:  I'm afraid I'm going to have to pull rank on you.  I didn't want to have to do this.  I'm with the mattress police. There are no tags on these mattresses.

Scene 17, Shot 58:  Watchman

Scene 17, Shot 59:  Fletch, over Watchman's shoulder.

Fletch:  I have to take you downtown.  Now give me the weapon.

Watchman:  (Cocking weapon.)  I'm calling the cops.

Scene 17, Shot 60:  Watchman

Watchman:  This is for the cops.

Scene 17, Shot 61:  Fletch

Fletch:  Come on, man, will you?  I'm her cousin.

Scene 17, Shot 62:  Watchman

Watchman:  Tell the cops.

Scene 17, Shot 63:  Fletch

Scene 17, Shot 64:  Watchman

Scene 17, Shot 65:  Fletch

Fletch:  OK. You want to call the cops, call the cops.  Better tie your shoelaces first.

Scene 17, Shot 66:  Watchman, looking down.

Scene 17, Shot 67:  Fletch

Scene 17, Shot 68:  Fletch kicks Watchman in balls, pushes him over and dashes to door.  Watchman falls to floor.

Scene 17, Shot 69:  Fletch sprinting through doorway at bottom of stairs.

Scene 17, Shot 70:  Fletch running across room and out front door
 

Scene 17, Shot 71:  Watchman running through doorway at bottom of stairs.

Scene 17, Shot 72:  Interior of car.  Fletch gets in.

Scene 17, Shot 73:  Front of house.  Watchman appears through door.

Scene 17, Shot 74:  Fletch accelerates away.

Scene 17, Shot 75:  Watchman aims gun and fires.

Sceme 17, Shot 76:  Rear window of car exploding.

Scene 17, Shot 77:  Fletch reacting to shot.

Fletch:  Thanks a lot!

Scene 17, Shot 78:  Porch, Watchman lowering gun.

Scene 17, Shot 79:  Fletch's car driving away.

Scene 18, Shot 1:  Exterior of motel, Fletch enters, followed by manageress.

Scene 18, Shot 2:  Row of phones.  Fletch approaches, dressed in towel.

Fletch:  Hey, Stretch. What's happening.

Scene 18, Shot 3:  Larry on phone at newspaper office

Fletch:  Got an unbelievable story here.

Larry:  Yeah?  Great. What can I do?

Fletch:  Write this down.  Sally Ann Cavanaugh.

Larry: (Writes) Sally Ann Cavanaugh.

Scene 18, Shot 4: Fletch

Fletch:  Check every hotel in LA.  Start with the ones near the airport.  He's supposed to leave the country with her tonight.

Scene 18, Shot 5:  Larry

Fletch:  Got that, honey?

Scene 18, Shot 6:  Fletch

Fletch:  I love your body, Larry

Scene 18, Shot 7:  Manageress looks up from baseball game.

Scene 19, Shot 1:  Pig farm, pan to road where Fletch's car stops.

Scene 19, Shot 2:  Velma Stanwyk on porch.

Scene 19, Shot 3:  Fletch gets out of car.  Marvin Stanwyk to right.

Fletch;  Good afternoon!

Scene 19, Shot 4:  Marvin Stanwyk

Marvin Stanwyk:  Howdy. (Looking at rear window of Fletch's car.)

Scene 19, Shot 5:  Fletch

Fletch:  You know, they ought to recall these things.  You hit one good bump out here and *bloom*, whole rear window explodes.

Scene 19, Shot 6:  Marvin Stanwyk

Fletch:  Are you Mr. Marvin Stanwyk?

Scene 19, Shot 7:  Fletch and Marvin Stanwyk

Marvin Stanwyk:  Yeah.

Fletch (Shaking hands.)  Hi there, I'm Harry S Truman from Casewell insurance underwriters.

Marvin Stanwyk:  Harry S Truman!

Fletch:  Yeah, well my parents were big fans of the former president.

Marvin Stanwyk:  Isn't that nice.

Fletch:  Yeah.

Marvin Stanwyk;  He was a good man.

Fletch:  He sure was.

Marvin Stanwyk:  He sure showed the Japs a thing or two.

Fletch:  Oh, yeah.  He dropped the big one, huh?

Marvin Stanwyk:  He dropped two big ones on them.  He was a real fighter.

Fletch:  Yeah.

Marvin Stanwyk:  You in the insurance line, Harry?

FLetch:  That's right.

Marvin Stanwyk:  Well, I'm fully covered.

Fletch:  Oh, I don't doubt it...

Scene 19, Shot 8: Velma Stanwyk on porch, Marvin Stanwyk and Fletch  enter.

Fletch:  ...Mr. Stanwyk.  Actually, my companay is the subinsurers of the subsidiary carriers of a policy held by Alan Stanwyk, who, I believe is your son.

Marvin Stanwyk:  Yeah, he is.  Mr. Truman. I want you to meet my  wife, Velma.

Fletch:  My pleasure.

Velma Stanwyk:  Nice to meet you.

Fletch:  Nice to meet you.

Mervin:  Well, come on up here and sit down, have a glass of lemonade.

Fletch:  Thank you

Marvin Stanwyk:  Velma makes the most unusual lemonade.

Fletch:  Is that right.

Marvin Stanwyk:  Course it's kind of hard to keep it cold on a day like this.  Where you from, Harry?

Fletch:  I'm from California. San Berdoo.  Yeah.  Utah's part of my route.  Say, you folks don;t mind if I ask you a couple of questions do you?

Marvin Stanwyk:  Shoot.

Fletch: Thank you very much.  Just start with a couple of routine things.  You and your wife are currently alive I take it?

Marvin Stanwyk:  Harry...if there's...

Fletch:  It's just regulations.  It's nothing.  Now you, Marvin, and your wife, named Velma...

Marvin Stanwyk:  Velma.

Fletch: ...are the parents of one Alan Stanwyk, of Beverly Hills, executive vice-president of Boyd Aviation.

Marvin Stanwyk:  Check.

Scene 19, Shot 10:  Fletch

FLetch: Check.  And when was the last time you saw Alan?

Scene 19, Shot 11:  Marvin and Velma Stanwyk

Marvin Stanwyk:  Oh...about ten days ago.

Scene 19, Shot 12:  Fletch

Fletch:  Ten days ago.

Scene 19, Shot 13:  Marvin and Velma Stanwyk

Marvin Stanwyk:  Yeah, he comes and visits us about every three weeks.

Scene 19, Shot 14:  Fletch

Fletch:  Isn't that nice. How long has he been doing that?

Scene 19, Shot 15:  Marvin and Velma Stanwyk

Marvin Stanwyk:  Since he moved to LA.

Scene 19, Shot 16:  Fletch

Fletch:  Now, you'll pardon me if I seem a bit personal here but I don't know how to put it.  We understand that there's a young lady friend here...

Scene 19, Shot 17:  Marvin and Velma Stanwyk

Fletch:  ...in Provo that Alan's been seeing...

Marvin Stanwyk:  What's this got to do with insurance?

Scene 19, Shot 18:  Fletch

Fletch:  Trust me, Marvin, this is a comprehensive policy.

Marvin Stanwyk:  Well, you can forget about that lady friend business.  Alan is the most loving husband a girl could have.  He dotes on that bride of his.

Scene 19, Shot 19:  Fletch

Fletch:  Who?

Scene 19, Shot 20:  Marvin and Velma Stanwyk

Velma Stanwyk:  His wife!

Scene 19, Shot 21:  Fletch

Fletch:  You've met her?

Scene 19, Shot 22:  Marvin and Velma Stanwyk

Marvin Stanwyk:  Well of course we have.  He brings her with him.

SceneCourier">Scene 19, Shot 23:  Fletch

Scene 19, Shot 24:  Marvin and Velma Stanwyk

Fletch:  Has Alan ever mentioned the name...

Scene 19, Shot 25:  Fletch

Fletch: ...Sally Ann Cavanaugh to you?

Scene 19, Shot 26:  Marvin and Velma Stanwyk

Fletch:  Has he?

Scene 19, Shot 26:  Fletch

Scene 19, Shot 27:  Marvin and Velma Stanwyk

Marvin Stanwyk:  Boy, what in the hell's the matter with you?

Scene 19, Shot 28: Fletch

Fletch:  He has, then.

Scene 19, Shot 29:  Marvin and Velma Stanwyk

Marvin Stanwyk:  Of course he has.  That's his wife.

Scene 19, Shot 30:  Fletch

Fletch:  Of course.  His wife's name is Sally Ann Cavanaugh, then.

Scene 19, Shot 31:  Marvin and Velma Stanwyk

Velma Stanwyk:  Cute as a button.

Scene 19, sghot 32:  Fletch

Fletch:  You wouldn't happen to have a picture of Alan and his bride, would you?

Scene 19, Shot 33:  Fletch, Marvin and Velma Stanwyk

Velma Stanwyk:  Oh, sure.  We've got lots of pictures.  Let me get you  some. (Hurries off.)

Fletch:  Great.  Still married, are they, Alan and Sally Ann?

Marvin Stanwyk:  Yes, they are.

Fletch:  How long have they been married, Marvin?

Marvin Stanwyk:  It was before he moved to LA.  Eight years, April.

Scene 19, Shot 34:  Fletch and Marvin Stanwyk.  Velma Stanwyk comes  up from behind.

Velma Stanwyk:  Oh, it just keeps getting heavier each year.  Here we  are.  Here, here.  There it is, that's the one.

Fletch:  Oh, my goodness. She is a button, isn't she.

Velma Stanwyk:  Isn't she cute?

Scene 19, Shot 35:  Interior of photo album.  Fletch's hand removes a picture.

Fletch:  Isn't she cute. Say, could I...

Scene 19, Shot 36:  Fletch, Velma and Marvin Stanwyk

Fletch:  ...borrow this picture for a while?  I promise to send it back.  It's routine, the actuary...

Velma Stanwyk:  Oh, that's all right.  We've lots more.  Want to see  the reception?

Fletch:  No, no thank you.  I'm trying to quit.

Velma Stanwyk:  Well, how about Marvin's 65th birthday party?

Fletch:  How about that, Marvin?

Scene 19, Shot 37:  Fletch's hand,  holding up picture of Alan Stanwyk  and Sally Ann Cavanaugh at their wedding.

Marvin Stanwyk:  They got a picture of me in here, if they ever take  it.

Scene 19, Shot 38:  Fletch, still looking at picture.

Scene 20, Shot 1:  Hand holding picture.

Gail Stanwyk:  This is Alan?  Son of a bitch!

Scene 20, Shot 2:  Gail Stanwyk holding picture, in cabana.

Gail Stanwyk:  I can't believe this.

Scene 20, Shot 3:  Fletch

Fletch:  It's really Alan, and it's really bigamy.

Scene 20, Shot 4:  Gail Stanwyk

Gail Stanwyk:  How long have they been married?

Scene 29, Shot 5:  Fletch

Fletch:  About 8 years.

Scene 20, Shot 6:  Gail Stanwyk

Gail Stanwyk:  Who is this woman?

Scene 20, Shot 7:  Fletch

Fletch:  I don't know, Gail, I think it's Alan's high school sweetheart.

Scene 29, Shot 8:  Gail Stanwyk

Fletch:  Named Sally Ann something or other.

Scene 20, Shot 9:  Fletch

Fletch:  Alan's been keeping a lot of things secret lately.

Scene 20, Shot 10:  Gail Stanwyk, over Fletch's shoulder.

Gail Stanwyk:  I'm going to call the police.

Fletch:  No.

Gail Stanwyk:  I'm calling the police.

Fletch:  No, Gail, no.

Gail Stanwyk:  Yes.

Scene 20, Shot 11:  Fletch and Gail Stanwyk, tussling for the  telephone.

Gail Stanwyk:  Then I'm calling my father.

Fletch:  Just give me one more day.

Scene 20, Shot 12:  Fletch

Fletch:  Just one more day.

Scene 20, Shot 13:  Gail Stanwyk

Gail Stanwyk: Why?  What for?  Do you have any idea how humiliating  this is?

Scene 20, Shot 14:  Fletch

Fletch:  Yes, I do.  I really do.

Scene 20, Shot 14:  Gail Stanwyk

Scene 20, Shot 15:  Fletch

Fletch:  Remember what I told you?  Tomorrow night you have a club meeting?  You stay away from the house.

Scene 20, Shot 16:  Gail Stanwyk

Fletch:  All right, I'll take care of him.

Scene 20, Shot 17: Fletch and Gail Stanwyk.

Fletch: (mumble)

Gail Stanwyk: (Grabs picture from Fletch)  She looks like a hooker!   Look at her!  Look at her!

Scene 20, Shot 18:  Gail Stanwyk

Gail Stanwyk:  Could you love someone who looked like that?

Scene 20, Shot 19: Fletch

Fletch (Looking at picture.):  Are you kidding?  Of course not. 5, 10 minutes tops, maybe.

Scene 20, Shot 20:  Gail Stanwyk

Gail Stanwyk:  It's funny.

Scene 20, Shot 21: Fletch

Fletch:  I know.  Listen.  Why don't we both relax and go in there and lie down and I'll fill you in.

Scene 20, Shot 22:  Gail Stanwyk

Scene 20, Shot 23:  Fletch hugging Gail Stanwyk

Gail Stanwyk:  This is a really good time to make a pass at me.

Scene 20, Shot 24:  Cabana exterior.  Lights are turned off.

Scene 21, Shot 1:  Beach.  Fletch, in hippie outfit is rollerskating along path.

Scene 21, Shot 2:  Fletch rollerskating.

Scene 21, Shot 3:  Corner of Fat Sam's hut. Fat Sam sitting outside, reading.

Scene 21, Shot 4:  Fletch rollerskating.

Scene 21, Shot 5:  point of view Shot of Fletch skating towards Gummy, asleep on the beach.

Scene 21, Shot 6:  Fletch rollerskating, then tripping and falling next to Gummy.

Fletch:  Gum.

Gummy:  (Raising himself up, Fletch pushes him down.)  Wha...?

Fletch:  Gummy, it's me.

Scene 21, Shot 7:  Fletch and Gummy

Gummy:  (Raises himself up)  Fletch!  Really is that you?

Fletch:  (Pushing Gummy down)  Shut up.  Don't say Fletch.

Scene 21, Shot 8:  Gummy and Fletch

Fletch:  Don't say my name.

Scene 21, Shot 9:  Fletch and Gummy

Fletch:  Shut up!

Gummy:  OK.

Fletch:  Don't look at me. lay back, I gotta talk to you, all right?

Gummy:  All right, all right.  About what?

Scene 21, Shot 10:  Fat Sam reading.

Scene 21, Shot 11:  Fletch and Gummy

Fletch:  There are cops all around here and they're after you.

Gummy:  What?  You mean those...

Scene 21, Shot 12:  Two guys sitting on car.

Gummy:  ...two surfers over there?

Fletch:  Just lay back down.

Scene 21, Shot 13:  Fletch and Gummy

Fletch:  Don't point.  Just lay back down, all right?

Gummy:  OK, OK.  Fletch, why they after you?

Scene 21, Shot 14: Gummy and Fletch

Fletch:  They're after me because I'm a newspaper reporter and I'm nailing Chief Karlin as the major drug source on this beach.

Scene 21, Shot 15:  Gummy, over Fletch's shoulder.

Scene 21, Shot 16:  Fat Sam reading.

Fletch:  Sit back.

Scene 21, Shot 17:  Fletch

Fletch:  Fat Sam's turning state's evidence.

Gummy:  What's that?

Fletch:  He wrote me a very nice deposition.  He says he just received the drugs and you did all the selling.

Scene 21, Shot 18:  Gummy and Fletch

Gummy:  He's saying what?  Fletch, he's lying. Man, honest, Fletch, I didn't sell nothing, man.  You gotta believe me. I just carried the drugs from the chief to Sam.  That's it.

Fletch:  Sure you did, sure you did, Gum.

Gummy:  Fletch, Fletch, honest, man, that's all I did.

Scene 21, Shot 19:  Fletch

Fletch:  20 years, Gum, 20 years in prison, unless you wanna play ball.

Scene 21, Shot 20:  Gummy, lying back.

Scene 21, Shot 21:  Gummy and Fletch on beach.

Fletch:  You don't leave me much of a choice.  (Tries to get up and sprawls on sand.)

Gummy:  Fletch, you all right?

Fletch:  Yeah, I'm all right. These robes.  I've got another question for you.

Scene 21, Shot 22:  Fletch

Fletch:  Where does the Chief get his drugs from?

Scene 21, Shot 23:  Gummy

Gummy:  I don't know.

Scene 21, Shot 24: Fletch

Fletch:  Have fun.  Don't bend over for the soap.

Scene 21, Shot 25:  Gummy

Gummy:  Fletch, Fletch, OK, OK.

Scene 21, Shot 26:  Fletch

Scene 21, Shot 27:  Gummy

Gummy:  It's somewhere in South America.

Scene 21, Shot 28: Fletch

Scene 21, Shot 29:  Fat Sam reading. Fletch glides up behind him and sits down.

Fletch:  Mind if I sit here?

Sam:  Fletch?  Fletch?

Fletch:  You don't know me, Sam.

Scene 21, Shot 30:  Fat Sam

Sam:  My pleasure, brother.

Fletch:  I'm a reporter, Sam.

Scene 21, Shot 31:  Fletch

Fletch:  I'm breaking the story on the drug traffic...

Scene 21, Shot 32:  Fat Sam

Fletch:  ...around here.  Gummy's turning state's evidence...

Scene 21, Shot 33: Fletch

Fletch: ...I got good proof it's the Chief.

Scene 21, Shot 34:  Fat Sam

Sam:  You gonna bust the Chief?

Fletch:  Gonna bust the Chief.  I could use your help.

Sam:  I'm a slave to that son of a bitch.  Busted me, third offence.  Gave me my choice.  Push for him or do 15 long. Now all I get out of  this is free junk.

Scene 21, Shot 35:  Fletch

Fletch:  You don't have a piece of the action?

Scene 21, Shot 36:  Fat Sam

Sam:  No, free junk.  That't it.

Scene 21, Shot 37:  Fletch

Scene 21, Shot 38:  Fat Sam

Scene 22, Shot 1:  Newspaper office.  Fletch leads Fat Sam and Gummy through the desks.

Fletch:  Hey, how ya doing?  I'll be right (mumble).

Scene 22, Shot 2:  Walker standing in his office doorway, reading.

Scene 22, Shot 3:  Fletch

Fletch:  Fellas, stay with me, willya.

Scene 22, Shot 4:  Walker in office doorway.  Tosses aside papers.

Walker:  Fletch!

Scene 22, Shot 5:  Fletch, Gummy and Fat Sam.  Walker enters shot.

Walker:  What's up? What's up?

Fletch:  I'm quitting...

Scene 22, Shot 6:  Walker over Fletch's shoulder.

Fletch:  ...as of midnight tonight.

Walker:  Who are these guys?

Scene 22, Shot 7:  Walker, Gummy, Fat Sam and Fletch

Fletch:  This is Fat Sam and this is Gummy.  Fellas come with me.  These are their statements, naming Chief Karlin as the number one drug pusher from here to Oxnard.  I want them to have federal protection, sponsered by the paper. (Shows Gummy and Fat Sam into Walker's office.)

Scene 22, Shot 8:  Walker

Fletch:  Is that OK, Frank?  (To Fat Sam and Gummy.) Sit down in there.   Any where you like.  That's good. Make yourself comfortable.

Scene 22, Shot 9: Fletch, closing Walker's door.  Walker joins him.

Fletch:  Make yourself comfortable.

Walker:  This is wonderful.  This is fantastic.

Fletch:  I'm out, Frank.

Scene 22, Shot 10:  Fletch and Walker.  Fat Sam in background,  telephoning.  Gummy in background, stuffing something into his shirt.

Flecth:  You lost faith in me.

Walker:  Fletch, I got nervous.  Come on.

Fletch:  Forget it.  I'm writing the story.  Just hold the last two paragraphs until ten o'clock, OK?

Walker:  You want an apology?

Scene 22, Shot 11:  Fletch

Fletch:  You were gonna can me, right?

Walker:  No, no, not really.

Fletch:  Not really?

Scene 22, Shot 12:  Walker

Walker:  I was upset!  You know.

Scene 22, Shot 13:  Fletch

Fletch:  OK. (Rips off beard.) Jesus. I'm sick of this place.  Ow! (Rubs chin.)  I'm gonna try out for the Lakers.  They need a good power forward.

Scene 22, Shot 14:  Walker

Walker:  Fletch, this is a hell of a story.

Scene 22, Shot 15:  Fletch, over Walker's shoulder.

Fletch:  Thanks.

Walker:  Now about these two...

Fletch:  Don't worry about...

Scene 22, Shot 16:  Fat Sam and Gummy in office.  Fat Sam on phone, Gummy stuffs something under his shirt.

Fletch:  ...they're just fine. You don't have any valuables in there...

Scene 22, Shot 17: Fletch and Walker

Fletch:  ...Vicki Morgan tapes or anything?  (Walker runs off.) (Fletch grabs chair of colleague standing up and sits down, cranks paper into typewriter.  Colleague sits down on floor.)

Scene 23, Shot 1:  Outside Alan Stanwyk's residence.  Fletch, wearing Alan Stanwyk's suit, crawls over wall.

Scene 23, Shot 2:  Swimming pool.

Scene 23, Shot 3:  Fletch drops from wall.

Scene 23, Shot 4:  Fletch walks over low wall with columns.

Scene 23, Shot 5:  Fletch walks by swimming pool.

Scene 23, Shot 6:  Fletch walks up to Jaguar, leans in.

Scene 23, Shot 7:  Jaguar. Fletch opens glove compartment, takes out keys.

Scene 23, Shot 8:  Jaguar.  Fletch leans out, goes to back and opens trunk.

Scene 23, Shot 9:  Trunk opening.  Inside are 3 gasoline cans.

Scene 23, Shot 10: Fletch looking at cans.

Scene 23, Shot 11:  Gasoline cans in trunk.

Scene 23, Shot 12:  Fletch whistles, drops keys in trunk and closes trunk.

Scene 23, Shot 13: Fletch rounds corner of the house and walks to French doors.

Scene 23, Shot 14:  Fletch

Scene 23, Shot 15:  Interior through French doors.

Scene 23, Shot 16:  Fletch

Scene 23, Shot 17:  Fletch approaches French doors and opens them.

Scene 23, Shot 18:  Interior.  Fletch enters and looks around.

Scene 23, Shot 19:  Open safe, two metal suitcases next to it.

Scene 23, Shot 20:  Fletch walking around desk.

Scene 23, Shot 21:  Fletch looks around, walks a few steps, checks watch, looks around.

Scene 23, Shot 22:  Fletch walks to other door, looks through it.

Scene 23, Shot 23:  Fletch crosses to desk.

Scene 23, Shot 24:  Fletch opens drawer that had gun:  Empty.

Scene 23, Shot 25:  Fletch looking into drawer.

Alan Stanwyk:  Good evening.

Scene 23, Shot 26:  Alan Stanwyk sitting on balustrade, wearing Lakers jersey, jacket and a baseball hat.

Scene 23, Shot 27:  Fletch, from above.  Walks around desk.

Fletch:  I like your outfit. Did you bring the 50 grand and the tickets?

Scene 23, Shot 28:  Alan Stanwyk

Alan Stanwyk:  Of course.  Uh-uh-uh.  You forgot your rubber gloves.

Scene 23, Shot 29:  Fletch

Fletch:  You're planning on killing me, aren't you?

Scene 23, Shot 30:  Alan Stanwyk, drawing gun.

Alan Stanwyk:  You catch on real quick, Mr. Nugent

Scene 23, Shot 31:  Fletch

Fletch:  That's a pretty hostile thing to do, don't you think?

Scene 23, Shot 32:  Alan Stanwyk

Alan Stanwyk:  Well, you were gonna kill me, I see this simly as self defense.  Now, if you would be so kind as to put your passport on my desk.

Scene 23, Shot 33:  Fletch

Scene 23, Shot 34:  Alan Stanwyk

Stanwuyk:  You're wearing my suit.  Where did you get that?

Scene 23, Shot 35:  Fletch dropping passport on desk.

Scene 23, Shot 36:  Alan Stanwyk

Alan Stanwyk:  I said, where did you get my suit, Mr. Nugent?

Scene 23, Shot 37:  Fletch

Fletch:  The name's Fletcher.

Scene 23, Shot 38:  Alan Stanwyk

Fletc:  I'm a newspaper reporter.

Scene 23, Shot 39:  Fletch

Fletch:  I write a column under the name Jane Doe.

Scene 23, Shot 40:  Alan Stanwyk

Alan Stanwyk:  What the hell is this?

Scene 23, Shot 41:  Fletch, pulling papers from his pocket.

FLetch:  Read this.

Scene 23, Shot 42:  Alan Stanwyk

Alan Stanwyk:  Look, I don't have time for your nonsense.

Scene 23, Shot 43:  Fletch

Fletch:  Cut the crap!  Come downstairs and read this.  I'm not going anywhere.

Scene 23, Shot 44:  Alan Stanwyk gets up and walks along balcony.

Scene 23, Shot 45:  Fletch sitting down.

Scene 23, Shot 46:  Stanywk crossing to desk, keeping gun on Fletch the while.

Fletch:  Unless my people hear differently, that letter goes out at midnight.

Scene 23, Shot 47:  Alan Stanwyk at desk.  Picks up letter.

Scene 23, Shot 48:  Fletch sitting down.

Scene 23, Shot 49:  Alan Stanwyk at desk.

Scene 23, Shot 50:  Letter in Alan Stanwyk's hand.

Alan Stanwyk (Reading):  Dear Mr. Boyd...

Scene 23, Shot 51:  Alan Stanwyk at desk.

Alan Stanwyk (Reading):  ...Alan Stanwyk murdered me tonight.

Scene 23, Shot 52:  Fletch sitting down.

Scene 23, Shot 53:  Alan Stanwyk at desk.

Alan Stanwyk (Reading):  The charred remains found by the police in...

Scene 23, Shot 54:  Fletch, getting up.

Alan Stanwyk (Reading):  ...the Jaguar are mine, not his.

Scene 23, Shot 55:  Alan Stanwyk at desk, Fletch passes him.

Alan Stanwyk (Reading):  Mr. Stanwyk, using my name and passport  boarded Pan Am flight 306, on...

Scene 23, Shot 56:  Fletch picking up suitcase.

Alan Stanwyk (Reading):  ...arrival he intends to establish  residence...

Fletch:  (Hoists suitcase onto desk.)  Pretty hefty.  (Undoes catches.)  Keep reading.

Scene 23, Shot 57:  Suitcase being opened, revealing stacks of 100  dollar bills.

Alan Stanwyk (Reading): ...his legal wife...

Scene 23, Shot 58: Fletch at desk, closing suitcase.

Alan Stanwyk:  ...the former Sally Ann Cavanaugh.

Scene 23, Shot 59:  Alan Stanwyk in foreground, Gail Stanwyk in  background.

Gail Stanwyk:  Don't stop, Alan.

Scene 23, Shot 60:  Alan Stanwyk

Scene 23, Shot 61:  Gail Stanwyk, leaning in doorway.

Scene 23, Shot 62:  Alan Stanwyk

Scene 23, Shot 63:  Fletch

Fletch:  Uh-oh, the missus.

Scene 23, Shot 64:  Alan Stanwyk

Alan Stanwyk:  What are you doing here?

Scene 23, Shot 65:  Gail Stanwyk

Gail Stanwyk:  I already know most of it.  I just want to hear the rest from you.

Scene 23, Shot 66:  Fletch and Alan Stanwyk at desk.

Fletch:  He doesn't read my stuff very well.  Let me take a crack at it. (Reading) Sally Ann...

Scene 23, Shot 67:  Alan Stanwyk in foreground, Fletch in middle, Gail  Stanwyk in background.

Fletch (Reading):  ...and Alan were married eight years ago, never  divorced, making Alan a bigamist, even in Utah.

Scene 23, Shot 68: Alan Stanwyk

Fletch (Reading):  Stanwyk is also travelling with three million  dollars in cash...

Scene 23, Shot 69: Gail Stanwyk, crossing to Fletch.

Fletch:  ...the result of Gail Stanwyk's sale of Boyd aviation stock...

Gail Stanwyk: It's true...

Scene 23, Shot 70: Alan Stanwyk

Gail Stanwyk:  ...isn't it.

Scene 23, Shot 71:  Gail Stanwyk and Fletch

Fletch (Reading):  Sally Ann can confirm all this when the police pick  her up at the airport Marriott.

Scene 23, Shot 72:  Alan Stanwyk

Fletch: That's where she is, isn't it?

Scene 23, Shot 73:  Gail Stanwyk and Fletch

Fletch (Reading):  By the way, Alan is a very big drug smuggler...

Scene 23, Shot 74:  Alan Stanwyk

Fletch (Reading): ...but you can read all about that in tomorrow's paper.

Scene 23, Shot 75:  Gail Stanwyk and Fletch

Fletch (Putting away letter):  Sincerely, I.M. Fletcher, P.S. Have a nice day.

Scene 23, Shot 76:  Alan Stanwyk

Alan Stanwyk:  Bravo, Mr. Fletcher, bravo.

Scene 23, Shot 77:  Fletch

Fletch:  You know what tipped it for me was something your wife said when we were in bed together.

Scene 23, Shot 78:  Alan Stanwyk

Scene 23, Shot 79:  Gail Stanwyk

Scene 23, Shot 80:  Alan Stanwyk

Alan Stanwyk:  Oh.  And what was that?

Scene 23, Shot 81:  Gail Stanwyk and Fletch

Fletch:  Curiously, she said we have roughly the same build.  From the waist up, I imagine.

Scene 23, Shot 82:  Alan Stanwyk

Scene 23, Shot 83:  Fletch

Fletch:  Then I figured it.  You bump me off, plop me in the car and burn me up.

Scene 23, Shot 84:  Alan Stanwyk

Alan Stanwyk: (Nods)

Scene 23, Shot 85:  Fletch

Fletch:  What the heck, same bone structure.

Scene 23, Shot 86:  Gail Stanwyk

Gail Stanwyk:  You son of a bitch.

Scene 23, Shot 87:  Alan Stanwyk

Alan Stanwyk: (Raises gun)  But I'm not a stupid son of a bitch. I was already prepared to commit one murder, assface. What makes you think that I won't...

Scene 23, Shot 88: Alan Stanwyk in foreground, Gail Stanwyk and  Fletch in background.

Alan Stanwyk:  ...commit two, huh?

Fletch:  Whoops.

Gail Stanwyk:  'Whoops'? What do you mean 'whoops'?  Don't say 'whoops'.

Scene 23, Shot 89:  Alan Stanwyk

Alan Stanwyk:  I mean, by the time your story's published, I'll be on the beach...

Scene 23, Shot 90:  Gail Stanwyk and Fletch

Alan Stanwyk:  ...and I understand extradition from South America is...

Scene 23, Shot 91:  Alan Stanwyk

Alan Stanwyk:  ...very complicated.  I'll bet for two murders, it's even more so.

Scene 23, Shot 92:  Gail Stanwyk and Fletch

Fletch:  That thing loaded?

Scene 23, Shot 93:  Alan Stanwyk

Alan Stanwyk:  (Nods)

Scene 23, Shot 94:  Fletch

Fletch:  If you shoot me, you're liable to lose a lot of those humanitarian awards.

Scene 23, Shot 95:  Alan Stanwyk

Alan Stanwyk:  (Cocks gun.)  Tough shit, Hopalong.  (Chief Karlin  appears in background.)

Chief Karlin:  Greetings, everyone.

Scene 23, Shot 96:  Gail Stanwyk and Fletch

Scene 23, Shot 97:  Chief Karlin

Scene 23, Shot 98:  Gail Stanwyk and Fletch

Fletch:  Thank God.  The police.

Scene 23, Shot 99:  Chief Karlin and Alan Stanwyk

Alan Stanwyk:  What in the hell are you doing here?

Chief Karlin:  Put the gun down, Alan.  I can take care of them.

Scene 23, Shot 100:  Gail Stanwyk and Fletch

Gail Stanwyk:  I thought you had this all figured out.  Nice going, Irwin.

Fletch:  Ah! Don't ever call me Irwin, OK?

Scene 23, Shot 101:  Chief Karlin and Alan Stanwyk

Chief Karlin:  Fat Sam left the beach today, so did Gummy.

Scene 23, Shot 102:  Gail Stanwyk and Fletch

Chief Karlin:  It began to occur to me that maybe there are some things happening here that I should become aware of.

Scene 23, Shot 103:  Chief Karlin and Alan Stanwyk

Alan Stanwyk:  Look, I said I'll take care of this.  It doesn't involve you.  Now go on home, I'll call you tomorrow.

Chief Karlin:  What, long distance?

Scene 23, Shot 104:  Fletch

Chief Karlin:  Could it have been that I overheard you say something  about South American extradition?

Scene 23, Shot 105:  Chief Karlin and Alan Stanwyk

Alan Stanwyk:  Jerry...

Chief Karlin:  Alan, You're not planning on taking that eight hundred  thousand dollars...

Scene 23, Shot 106:  Gail Stanwyk and Fletch

Chief Karlin:  ...I staked you with the next load, are you?

Fletch:  Looks like you two have a lot to talk over.  We'll just catch the last ten minutes of Dynasty.

Scene 23, Shot 107:  Chief Karlin and Alan Stanwyk

Chief Karlin:   (Fires gun into air.)

Scene 23, Shot 108:  Fletch and Gail Stanwyk diving behind chair.

Alan Stanwyk:  Jerry, come on, you're going to have to trust me.

Scene 23, Shot 109:  Chief Karlin and Alan Stanwyk

Alan Stanwyk:  I have a foolproof method for geting rid of this...

Scene 23, Shot 110:  Gail Stanwyk and Fletch crouching behind chair.

Alan Stanwyk: ...asshole and you are jeopardising everything.

Scene 23, Shot 111:  Chief Karlin and Alan Stanwyk

Chief Karlin:  Your foolproof way is going to land my butt on the  front...

Scene 23, Shot 112:  Gail Stanwyk and Fletch

Karln:  ...page while you're basking in the sun!

Fletch:  With your money.

Scene 23, Shot 113:  Chief Karlin and Alan Stanwyk.  Alan Stanwyk  draws, but Chief Karlin fires faster.  Alan Stanwyk drops.

Scene 23, Shot 114:  Gail Stanwyk and Fletch

Scene 23, Shot 115:  Chief Karlin

Scene 23, Shot 116:  Gail Stanwyk and Fletch

Scene 23, Shot 117:  Fire place gas handle

Scene 23, Shot 118:  Chief Karlin

Scene 23, Shot 119:  Gail Stanwyk and Fletch.  Fletch leans over.

Scene 23, Shot 120:  Gas handle being turned.

Scene 23, Shot 121:  Gail Stanwyk and Fletch

Scene 23, Shot 122:  Chief Karlin walking over to Alan Stanwyk.

Scene 23, Shot 123:  Fletch, standing up.

Scene 23, Shot 124:  Lighter being removed from pocket.

Scene 23, Shot 125:  Chief Karlin

Chief Karlin:  Second one's going to be even more fun.

Scene 23, Shot 126:  Fletch

Fletch:  Go ahead, make my day.

Scene 23, Shot 127:  Chief Karlin raising gun.

Scene 23, Shot 128:  Gail Stanwyk, still behind chair, looking up at Fletch.

Scene 23, Shot 129:  Lighter being lit.

Scene 23, Shot 130:  Fletch throwing lighter.

Scene 23, Shot 131:  Lighter landing in fireplace.

Scene 23, Shot 132:  Fletch ducking down behind chair.

Scene 23, Shot 133:  Chief Karlin in foreground, Fletch and Gail  Stanwyk in  background, a flame ball erupts between them.

Scene 23, Shot 134:  Gail Stanwyk and Fletch.  Chief Karlin drops in  front of them.

Scene 23, Shot 135:  Fletch sprints for Chief Karlin's dropped gun as Chief Karlin lifts himself up.  Chief Karlin trips Fletch. They fight  for gun.

Scene 23, Shot 136:  Fletch's hand with gun being beaten against floor by Chief Karlin's hand.

Scene 23, Shot 137:  Chief Karlin, beating Fletch.

Scene 23, Shot 138:  Fletch, being struck by Chief Karlin's fist.

Scene 23, Shot 139:  Gail Stanwyk, standing by chair

Scene 23, Shot 140:  Fletch being struck again.

Scene 23, Shot 141:  Gail Stanwyk, picking up tennis racket and  advancing on the two fighters.

Scene 23, Shot 142;  Chief Karlin's hand picking up gun.

Scene 23, Shot 143:  Fletch on floor, Chief Karlin above him, raising gun.

Scene 23, Shot 144:  Gail Stanwyk lifting racket and bringing it down.

Scene 23, Shot 145:  Chief Karlin's shoulder being struck by racket.

Scene 23, Shot 146:  Gail Stanwyk, retreating.

Scene 23, Shot 147:  Fletch, lying under Chief Karlin's body.

Scene 23, Shot 148:  Gail Stanwyk

Scene 23, Shot 149:  Fletch

Fletch: Thanks.

Scene 23, Shot 150:  Gail Stanwyk

Scene 24, Shot 1:  Blowup of newspaper cover.  Headline: "Police Chief Karlin Indicted", pans to Walker and Fletch.

Walker:  Uh, this is getting absurd. One Bob Haldeman wig, a gorilla suit...

Fletch:  That's a Gibbon suit.

Walker:  ...tennis shorts, leather sneakers, wrist bands?

Fletch:  Business.  Frank, believe me, I hate tennis.

Walker:  What's novelty teeth?

Scene 24, Shot 2:  Gail Stanwyk coming through office.

Fletch:  Frank, it's all business.  Frank...

Scene 24, Shot 3:  Larry, Walker and Fletch.  Gail Stanwyk comes into  shot.

Fletch:  ...it's all business!

Walker:  Uh-huh. A nun's habit.  6 tubes of crazy glue.

Larry:  Oh.  That's personal.

Fletch:  Right.  Take it out of my raise.

Frank:  You're not getting a raise.  C'mon.

Scene 24, Shot 4:  Fletch and Gail Stanwyk

Gail Stanwyk:  I would think that the DA would need these tickets for evidence.

Fletch:  Not necesarily.

Scene 24, Shot 5:  Larry.  Walker in background.

Larry:  Not necesarily?

Walker:  Larry!  (Larry runs off.)

Scenee 24, Shot 6:  Fletch

Fletch:  In the court ruling US vs Fishbein, a man subjected to potential incineration while wearing another man's suit is entitled to 10,000 dollars worth of airline tickets.

Scene 24, Shot 7:  Fletch and Gail Stanwyk

Fletch:  It's an obscure ruling, but a very important one.  To me.

Gail Stanwyk:  Why don't you just say that you want to take me to Rio...

Scene 24, Shot 8: Fletch, over Gail Stanwyk's shoulder.

Gail Stanwyk:  ...with you?

Fletch:  Well, now there's a, that's a different slant.  But,  the thing is, see, we haven't really dated formally.  I always take my first date to a Laker game.

Scene 24, Shot 9:  Fletch and Gail Stanwyk

Gail Stanwyk:  I don't want to go to a Laker game.

Scene 24, Shot 10:  Fletch, over Gail Stanwyk's shoulder.

Fletch (Mouths):  You don't want to go to a Laker game?

Scene 24, Shot 11:  Gail Stanwyk

Gail Stanwyk:  I don't like basketball.

Scene 24, Shot 12:  Fletch, over Gail Stanwyk's shoulder

Fletch: (Puts on baseball cap)  Well, maybe that's because you don't understand basketball.

Scene 24, Shot 13:  Walker, coming out of his office.

Fletch:  You haven't been schooled in the fundamentals. Pick and roll.

Gail Stanwyk:  Sounds like a fastfood chain.

Scene 24, Shot 14:  Gail Stanwyk and Fletch, from behind.

Fletch:  Reverse stuff.

Gail Stanwyk:  That I've done.

Fletch:  I'll bet you have, you little vixen.

Fletch (As camera pans to picture of Rio on wall) (VO): The coroner had certified Alan dead, or extremely sleepy...

Scene 25, Shot 1:  Shot of Rio matching poster.

Fletch (VO): ...and Chief Karlin was facing 20 years in the funhouse. I decided to accompany Gail to Rio and personally assist her in her grief therapy.  On the beach, I explained basketball to her...

Scene 25, Shot 2:  Gail Stanwyk and Fletch walking on beach.

Fletch (VO):  ...but she didn't seem to grasp it.

Gail Stanwyk:  Fletch?

Fletch:  Call me Irwin.

Gail Stanwyk:  Why do they have to bounce the ball all the time, I mean, doesn't it seem a little childish to you?

Fletch:  Well, it may seem that, but that's, that's called dribbling.

Gail Stanwyk:  Dribbling.

Fletch: If they don't keep bouncing the ball, they get called for travelling.

Gail Stanwyk:  Travelling.  Wow.

Fletch:  Yeah, that's what they call it if they don't bounce the ball.

Fletch (VO):  When it came to basketball, Gail was a loss.  But we had our own version of one-on-one and she thought I was the bravest man in the world, which, of course, I am.  By the way, I charged the entire vacation to the Mr. Underhill's American Express card.  Want the number?

Scene 25, Shot 3:  Rio from above.

the end

Special appearance by Kareem Abdul Jabbar

and
James Avery
Reid Cruickshanks
Bruce French
Burton Gilliam
David Harper
Alison La Placa

Chick Hearn
Joe Praml
Willian Sanderson
Penny Santon
Robert Sorrells
Beau Starr

Fletch        Chevy Chase
Chief Karlin  Joe Don Baker
Gail Stanwyk  Dana Wheeler-Nicholson
Walker        Richard Libertini
Alan Stanwyk  Tim Matheson
Dr. Dolan     M. Emmett Walsh

Fat Sam       George Wendt
Stanton Boyd  Kenneth Mars
Larry         Geena Davis
Speaker       Bill Henderson
Mr. Underhill William Traylor
Gillet        George Wyner

Detective #1  Tony Longo
Gummy         Larry Flash Jenkins
Creasy        Ralph Seymour
As Himself    Kareem Abdul Jabbar
Detective #2  James Avery
Sergeant      Reid Cruickshanks

Pathologist   Bruce French
Bud           Burton Gilliam
Teenager      David W. Harper
As Himself    Chick Hearn
Pan Am Clerk  Alison La Placa
Watchman      Joe Praml

Swarthout       William Sanderson
Velma Stanwyk   Penny Santon
Marvin Stanwyk  Robert Sorrells
Willy           Beau Starr
Waiter          Nico de Silva
Nurse           Peggy Doyle

Waiter          Rick Garcia
Mrs. Underhill  Grace Gaynor
Cop #1          Freeman King
Records Nurse   Loraine Shields
Surfer Cop      Bill Sorrells
Reporter #2     Arnold Turner

Cop #2          Roger Ammann
Madeline Turner Mary Battilana
Surfer Cop #2   Henry (Hank) Bleeker
Banquet Guest   Donald Chaffin
Reporter        Darren Dublin
Secretary       Kristine M. Gossman
Maid            Irene Olga Lopez
Chinese Busboy  Merv Maruyama